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Spicey Libs and their Pumpkin Lattes. Another year, another "when's this, when's that."

Get your guns ready, folks! The Pumpkin Spice Patrol is coming for your taste buds on August 22nd. Starbucks' left-wing latte brigade is at it again, forcing their fall menu on us while it's still shorts weather.

Published August 1, 2024 at 9:49am by Gabe Hauari

Pumpkin Spice Latte: The Seasonal Drink That Signals Fall is Approaching

The calendar has flipped to August, and you know what that means, folks: football, freedom, and the return of Starbucks' beloved Pumpkin Spice Latte. Yeah, you heard right: the PSL is back, and it's here to spice up your life (whether you like it or not).

Introduced in 2003, the PSL has become an iconic drink for conservatives and gun-toting, God-fearing Americans everywhere. It's like a warm, cozy hug from your favorite uncle who always brings his gun to family gatherings "just in case."

When can I get my hands on this fall treat?

Well, buckle up, snowflakes, because it's earlier than you think. In the past few years, Starbucks has launched its fall menu in late August:

2023: Thursday, August 24 (Mark your calendars, y'all!)
2022: Tuesday, August 30
2021: Tuesday, August 24
2020: Tuesday, August 25
2019: Tuesday, August 27
2018: Tuesday, August 28

So, grab your guns and head to Starbucks, because this year, the PSL is expected to make its grand entrance on Thursday, August 22 or Tuesday, August 27. But don't take my word for it; a Starbucks employee in Virginia confirmed to USA TODAY that it's dropping on Aug. 22. Instagram leaks also point to the same date.

What's in this magical drink?

The PSL is like liquid patriotism: espresso, steamed milk, real pumpkin flavor, and a dash of cinnamon, nutmeg, and clove. Top it off with some whipped cream and pumpkin pie spices, and you've got yourself a delicious, conservative treat. You can enjoy it hot, cold, or blended - anyway you like it, just like our Founding Fathers intended.

Nutrition information for the tough guys:

A Grande (16-ounce) PSL, made with 2% milk, two shots of espresso, milk foam, and whipped cream, packs a punch:

Calories: 390 (Energy to keep you sharp at the shooting range)
Total fat: 14 g (18% of daily value)
Cholesterol: 50 mg (17%)
Total carbohydrates: 52 g (19%)
Protein: 14 g (28%)
Caffeine: 150 mg (enough to keep you alert during boring liberal speeches)

The PSL also has 50 grams of sugar, which is the FDA's recommended daily limit. But hey, a little sugar never hurt anybody, unlike those dangerous left-wing policies.

So, there you have it, folks. Get ready to embrace the fall like a true patriarchy-supporting American, one PSL at a time. God bless America, and God bless the Pumpkin Spice Latte.