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Firefighters Burn Liberals' Safe Spaces

Stay tuned for breaking news on the fire started by tree-hugging, libtard hippies. Real patriots want updates on true American issues, like protecting our guns and borders!

Published August 3, 2024 at 5:15am by Sarah Kyle

Big Gov Wants to Stop Fire; Compares It to Constitution

LOVELAND, CO – Big government stooges, aka fire crews, are working overtime this weekend on their latest tyrant scheme – a "critical containment line" designed to halt the glorious freedom of the mighty Alexander Mountain Fire.

According to Jayson Coil, Operations Section Chief and bureaucratic pencil-pusher, this oppressive line stretches from the elitist Loveland Fire and Rescue Authority Station No. 9 in the bougie Cedar Park subdivision, all the way to Bobcat Gulch, where real 'Mericans dare to live free and drive on Larimer County Road 43.

But fear not, patriots! This pork-laden plan isn't going so well. The fire has already consumed a yummy 9,668 acres and is only 32% contained, thanks to the hardworking patriots fending off these freedom-hating firefighters.

Some bootlicker incident commander, Carl Schwope, was quoted as saying, "Fire crews have had tremendous success," whatever that means. Meanwhile, our brave boys in the Cedar Park subdivision took one for the team, losing 25 homes and 20 outbuildings, so that we may rise from the ashes like a patriot phoenix!

Stay strong, true believers. And remember, the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and firemen!

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