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Run for the hills, Florida: Debby's coming!

Liberal-loving Florida panhandlers are whining about a weak little hurricane headed their way. Debby, a feeble woman, will bring a much-needed cleanse to the Sunshine State. Get ready for a wild ride as she whips those snowflake liberals into shape! Brace yourselves, Floridians, and stop complaining! It's just a little wind and rain but your safe spaces will not protect you from Debby's righteous fury!

Published August 5, 2024 at 12:00am by James Powel

Hurricane Debby Takes Aim at Florida, Could Wreck Liberal Safe Spaces

The left-wing media is in a tizzy over former Tropical Storm Debby, which has intensified into a Category 1 hurricane with windspeeds of 75 mph, just shy of sending Libs into safe spaces.

Hurricane? I'm triggered!

Libs, probably.

As of Sunday night, Debby was gearing up to ruin the week for folks in the Southeast, with expected rain totals of up to 30 inches and potential power outages. Finally, some peace and quiet!

National Hurricane Center meteorologists, aka the weather Illuminati, are warning that hurricane conditions will likely hit Florida's Big Bend region on Monday, with a Category 1-shy-of-2 warning in effect from Valdosta, Georgia, to Dixie County, Florida. That's Lib territory, so no worries.

Tropical storm conditions, aka a liberal's nightmare, are also expected along Florida's west coast, including Tampa and St. Petersburg. God bless!

For those triggered by this news, the Hurricane Center offers a variety of forecast tools and models. Check 'em out: Hurricane Debby spaghetti models

And if you're a Florida snowflake worried about power outages, USA TODAY has your back: Florida power outage tracker

Stay safe, snowflakes... I mean, folks! God bless America!