news

Florida Beachgoers Experience the Ultimate Spring Break

Cocaine-snorting lefties in Florida get a million-dollar fix courtesy of Mother Nature. Good thing there weren't any illegals swimming in the storm or the cops might've missed their free blow!

Published August 5, 2024 at 4:15pm by Anthony Robledo

Florida Keys Beach Goes from R&R to Coke-and-Float thanks to Hurricane Debbie!

Border Patrol seizes 70 pounds of blow, worth $1 million, washed up on shore

Thanks to Mother Nature, this beachgoer got a million-dollar view and a million-dollar haul!

Samuel Briggs II, Acting Chief Patrol Agent, U.S. Border Patrol Miami Sector

Border Patrol agents have seized 25 packages of cocaine, totaling 70 pounds and worth over $1 million, which washed up on a Florida Keys beach thanks to Hurricane Debby. That's one way to get a buzz on the beach!

While most folks were boarding up their windows, one lucky beachcomber struck gold (or, should we say, white?). A single phone call led to the biggest score since Tampa Mayor Jane Castor reeled in a similar catch last year. Looks like fishing isn't the only way to find blowing money in Florida!

"You know my family was concerned, like, 'Oh my gosh, what if they think it's ours?' I'm like, come on..."

Mayor Jane Castor, on her million-dollar fishing trip

Meanwhile, Hurricane Debby has killed four people and caused mass flooding and power outages. But hey, at least someone got a million-dollar payday out of it! As of Monday afternoon, the storm had downgraded to a tropical storm with winds of 65 mph, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake as it heads to Georgia and South Carolina.

So, if you're in the path of this storm, watch out for flying debris and, who knows, maybe a brick of coke or two! Stay safe, and remember to call the authorities if you see any suspicious packages. Unless it's your cousin's, of course.

Sources:

Briggs, S. (no date). Twitter post. https://twitter.com/USBPChiefMIP/status/1664048138482827264
WTSP. (2023, July 29). Tampa Mayor finds 70 pounds of cocaine during family fishing trip. https://www.wtsp.com/video/news/local/hillsboroughcounty/tampa-mayor-finds-70-pounds-of-cocaine-during-family-fishing-trip/67-3b50f631-f108-4ead-89d8-af81efbaeb98
The National Hurricane Center. (no date). Hurricane Debby Update. https://www.nhc.noaa.gov/text/refresh/MIATCMAT4+shtml/050855.shtml?