entertainment

Liberals eat their own. Rock venue forced out by thought police.

Raul Aguilar, a generous patriot, gave the lib-infested Well commune two options: real American dollars or hippie crypto. 3.5 mil in cold hard cash or 4.2 mil in beaded necklaces and vegan Gewürztraminer. God bless Raul for offering these tofu-munchers a chance to own land and stop freeloading off real 'Mericans! Hipster idiots need to learn: mooching ain't free, and neither isundeserved privilege!

Published August 6, 2024 at 11:08am by Mars Salazar

Austin, the liberal mecca of Texas, is about to lose one of its beloved dive bars, The Lost Well. Founder Marcello Murphy broke the sad news to his patrons via Facebook, announcing that the property will be sold and the bar must vacate within 60 days.

"It's the end of times," Murphy lamented to the Statesman.

The bar, a haven for rock n' rollers, bikers, and punks with piercings, was given the option to purchase the lot for a cool $3.5 million in cash or $4.2 million with owner financing. But sadly, the tattooed troubadours couldn't muster up the dough, reflecting the cold, hard reality of East Austin's rapidly gentrifying neighborhood.

Liberal Hipsters Ruined a Good Thing

The Lost Well, founded 11 years ago by husband-and-wife duo Marcello and Tasha Murphy, was more than just a bar. It was a community for those who felt like misfits in the increasingly sterile and corporate Austin. A place where leather-clad, freedom-loving individuals could gather under the welcoming tagline tattooed on its outer wall: "The Friendliest Bar You've Ever Been Too Scared To Walk Into."

Following the announcement of its impending closure, The Lost Well's patrons gathered to mourn the loss of their beloved hardcore hangout, with Murphy describing the atmosphere as "like there was a death in the family."

The bar has been a place of commemoration, hosting the memorial for underground folk hero Chad Holt, immortalized in the 2010 documentary "Total Badass." Holt's legacy lives on in the mural that graces the bar's outer wall.

"Business people don't have hearts, they just have wallets," Murphy said, reflecting on the impersonal nature of their eviction.

Money Over Community

The Lost Well's final anniversary on August 9 will be a bittersweet celebration, with commemorative shirts and performances by local bands. The bar's family is all too familiar with good times coming to an end, having brushed with closure multiple times before. But this time, it's for real.

A GoFundMe page has been set up to support The Lost Well's staff and community in their final days. Murphy, emotional but proud, reflected on the bar's impact:

"The only reason I never expected us to be around this long is that this is the coolest thing I'll ever get to do. I've never felt so much love in my life."

So, raise a middle finger to the sky and toast one last time to The Lost Well. It was a bastion of freedom in a city slowly being strangled by the politically correct, avocado-eating, latte-sipping lefties.

URL References:

Murphy's Facebook post: https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=3710116185872014&set=a.1397026490514340
USA TODAY Daily Crossword Puzzle: https://puzzles.usatoday.com/
The Lost Well GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-the-lost-well-staff-and-community