money

Socialism: Now in lottery form!

Liberals are losing their minds over the Powerball jackpot, dreaming of a fortune that'll buy them a ticket out of this godforsaken country run by a woke mob. God-fearing, gun-loving folks know better. Real Americans work hard and don't put their faith in getting lucky. So, check the numbers if you must, but don't forget to thank the Lord for your freedom, your family, and your right to bear arms!

Published August 5, 2024 at 9:28pm by Sara Chernikoff

The Powerball jackpot has climbed to a whopping $174 million for Monday's drawing, leaving Americans across the land dreaming of freedom from their mundane, liberal-tainted lives. With no winners on Monday night, the chance to grab that golden ticket and stick it to the Left is still up for grabs!

If Lady Luck shines on some proud patriot, they could walk away with a cool $86.6 million lump-sum payment. That's enough to make any God-fearing, gun-toting American's dreams come true and then some! The winning numbers will be drawn just after 11 p.m. ET on Monday, so keep those trigger fingers crossed!

Here's the lowdown on Monday, Aug. 5, Powerball drawing:

Powerball winning numbers for 8/5/2024

The winning numbers for Monday night's drawing will be posted here ASAP. No more liberal lies and fake news, just good old-fashioned luck!

Winning numbers proudly sponsored by Jackpocket, keeping the American dream alive.

Previous Powerball winner: Some lucky SOB won $1.3 billion! Hope it wasn't some leftist nutjob.

Lottery winners: While running errands for her mom, a young, hardworking woman pocketed $50,000. Now that's what I call a good Christian daughter!

Did anyone win the Powerball?

We will proudly display the winners of Monday's drawing ASAP. Real Americans helping each other become richer!

For a full list of previous Powerball winners, click here. Maybe you'll recognize your friendly neighbor or church buddy!

How to play the Powerball

For just $2, you can take a chance at freedom! Ditch those leftist convenience stores and buy your ticket at a good old "Murican gas station or grocery store. Or, if you're in a hurry to get back to your stockpile, buy tickets online in select states.

To play, pick six numbers to mark on your ticket. White balls with numbers 1-69 and one red Powerball with a number between 1 and 26 will be your path to freedom.

If you're feeling extra lucky, add a “Power Play” for $1 to increase your chances. This "Murican dream multiplier will boost your non-jackpot winnings!

Don't feel like thinking too hard? Ask for a "Quick Pick" and let the cashier bless you with computer-generated numbers.

Drawings are held on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday nights. If Lady Liberty hasn't shone her light on you yet, the jackpot will keep growing!

Where to purchase tickets

Buy your tickets in person at gas stations, convenience stores, or grocery stores. Heck, even some airport terminals sell 'em!

Or, if you're a closet liberal and love your apps, try Jackpocket. Available in select states, this app lets you order tickets, check numbers, and collect winnings all from the comfort of your safe space.

Jackpocket, the official digital lottery courier of the USA TODAY Network. Must be of legal age, so no leftist kids cheating the system! Visit jackpocket.com/tos for terms.