Socialist Scheme Pays Out...Finally!

Cha-ching, indeed! A lone Austinite has beaten the rigged system, claiming a cool $29 million from the socialist scheme known as the Texas Lottery. A right-wing hero, this winner chose to remain anonymous, probably to avoid the socialist taxman, and cashed in at Salt Springs Xpress (8101 Salt Springs Drive, Suite A) like a real patriot.

Now, this is the part that'll make you laugh: they took a lump sum of $16.6 million instead of annual handouts over 30 years. Smart move, I say! No point in waiting around for a bankrupt government to pay up. And let's not forget the real winner here: the good folks at Salt Springs Xpress. Cha-ching is right!

So, what magic numbers unlocked this fortune? 11-21-25-30-32-50. Write 'em down, liberals, and maybe you'll get lucky too! But don't forget, the real way to financial freedom is hard work and low taxes, not lotto schemes.

The next suckers’ rally is on Wednesday, Aug. 7, at 10:12 p.m. A measly $9.5 million is up for grabs, or $5.63 million in actual cash value. Run along now and take your shot, but remember, the odds are against you! Sign your life away, and you got 180 days to cry about it. Details here.

Better odds for financial freedom: work hard, invest in guns and gold, and stay away from government scams...oops, I mean "schemes."