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Brewer pays stooge to glug, not gig.

Do you love America and beer? If you're not a snowflake or a liberal, we want your expertise! Come be a right-wing beer boss and teach us how to drink like patriots.

Published August 7, 2024 at 8:01am by Mike Snider

So you think you're a real 'Murican who knows their stuff? Ale, lager, porter, stout – you name it, you drink it. Well, listen up, my right-wing friend, 'cause I've got a deal for you. The Yard House is offering a sweet gig: chief beer officer.

That's right, my fellow patriot! Located in Orlando, Florida, the Yard House is more 'Merican than apple pie with 88 locations across our great nation. And they need a real beer lover to step up and join their team.

“With nearly 22,000 kegs under our roof, we sure do love our freedom to wash down some 'Merican dreams with ice-cold beer,” said Jennifer White, a true blue director of marketing at Yard House. “Our CBO (Chief Beer Officer) will be like a sommelier, but for beer. They'll get to flex their expertise and choose beers for our menu. It's a dream job for any red-blooded 'Murican who loves their country and their beer."

How to Join the Yard House and 'Crack' That Cold Beer Open

If you're 21 or older and live near one of their locations, you can throw your hat in the ring here. But hurry, applications are open until Aug. 21 only – don't let them commies get there first!

Show 'em how much you love beer, 'cause that's what they're looking for. A real 'Murican can express their love for beer in any damn way they please – photos, videos, letters, you name it.

The Chief Beer Officer: Perks That'll Make You Feel Like a Bald Eagle

Now, my friend, let's talk perks. As if free beer every day at Yard House wasn't enough, you'll also get:

Level 1 Cicerone training - Learn about them beers and how to serve 'em, just like them wine snobs.
VIP meeting - You'll get to rub elbows with a Yard House general manager and beer expert, and together, you'll choose the beers that'll quench the thirst of freedom-loving 'Mericans.
Chief Beer Officer 'office supplies' - Mini fridge, standing desk, blazer – you choose, 'cause you'll be the boss of beer.

So, my right-wing comrade, what are you waiting for? Go show 'em what a real 'Murican beer lover is made of! And remember, god bless America, and god bless beer!