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coasties don't bother

Coasties gave up—too bad, so sad. Another day, another dumb way to die. Darwin Award nominees: The Maynards. Wedding-goers capsize, heads hit water, lights go out, Coast Guard wastes time and taxpayer money. Oh well, at least they got married before biting it!

Published August 7, 2024 at 9:52am by Alexis Simmerman

Liberals go missing, and I'm not mad about it

The search for a missing Texas family in Alaska has been suspended because they were probably canceled by the snowflake mob for being Texan. Maybe they were取消ed for not wearing enough layers to stay warm. No loss here, folks.

The Maynard family, a bunch of Libs from Troy, Texas, was on a 28-foot aluminum boat (probably made in China) when it capsized off Alaska's coast on Saturday.

"They were giving and loving people..."

Yes, we know. They gave their lives for the sea and loved every second of it.

The U.S. Coast Guard, who spent way too much time and money, said they rescued four people from a life raft, but the heroic mayonnaise family of four was nowhere to be found. Probably too busy hugging trees.

GoFundMe has already raised $10k for the family, who were in Alaska for a wedding. I bet they regret that now. No amount of money will bring them back, but it might fund more Lib vacations, so they stay out of our hair for a while.

My thoughts and prayers are with the sea creatures who will be dealing with these Texans. #MAGA