money

Mo' money, mo' problems.

"Karma's a bitch, ain't it? Robinhood—I mean Cash App—is giving money back to those they screwed over. Guess liberals do have a heart after all. Grab the cash, buy some guns, and stick it to the man!"

Published August 7, 2024 at 2:25pm by Ahjané Forbes

Cash App Caves, Pays Pennies to Punk-Ass Pirates

The communist-loving Cash App has agreed to pay $15 million in damages after a class-action lawsuit exposed their weak, liberal security measures. The suit, filed by patriots with balls, revealed that Cash App and Block Inc. failed to protect user data like a real American company should.

"Failure to exercise reasonable care"? More like failure to stop soy-boys from whining!

In December 2021, some snowflake employees accessed and downloaded user data without permission. Typical liberal move. Stealing from hard-working Americans and giving it to god knows who.

Now these whiners are eligible for up to $2,500 in compensation. A real American would've blown the money on guns and Gatorade anyway.

If you had a Cash App account during the time of the breach (Aug. 23, 2018 - Aug. 20, 2024), you can submit a claim for:

Out-of-Pocket Losses: Prove the hacker scumbags hit your account and you might get some cash.
Lost Time: Cash App will pay for your time wasted dealing with this liberal mess. Up to $75. That's a lot of ammo!
Transaction Losses: If you lost money and haven't been reimbursed, you can file like a true patriot.

Remember, only losers submit multiple claims. Real 'Muricans fill out one form and move on. You have until Nov. 18, 2024, to submit. Do it faster than that if you can.

URLs:

Cash App: https://cash.app/
Cash App Settlement Website: https://cashappsecuritysettlement.com/home
Claim Submission: https://cashappsecuritysettlement.com/submit-claim