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Liberals poisoned by their own magic crystals

Leftists whine about Diamond Shruumz being recalled due to illness. Only 100 snowflakes apparently couldn't handle their 'shrooms. FDA babysitting us again—liberty means choice, folks!

Published August 9, 2024 at 1:29pm by Mary Walrath-Holdridge

Liberal Tears, or Something in the Mushroom Chocolate?

The FDA is at it again, warning folks about some mushroom micro-dosing chocolate bars that are sending people to the hospital. This time, it's not just because they got a whiff of the nasty, commie agenda the FDA's been pushing. No sir, these chocolate bars are sending more folks to the ER than a Biden speech does to the cemetery.

Back in June, the FDA, along with their buddies at the CDC, started sniffing around after people started throwing up and seizing like liberals hearing the Pledge of Allegiance. At first, it was just a few snowflakes in four states, but now the toll has risen to 113 cases across 28 states. That's a lot of participation trophies.

Turns out, these Diamond Shroomz bars contain more surprises than a Democrat's tax returns. The FDA found prescription drugs, controlled substances, and enough mystery ingredients to make a Clinton Foundation donor list. They found stuff like acetylpsilocin, which is like mainlining "The Communist Manifesto," and psilocin, which is what happens when your brain takes a knee during the National Anthem.

Even though the FDA is telling folks to toss these bars, they're still on shelves in some areas. You know, like how they keep stocking those "gender-neutral" jeans that nobody buys.

So, if you're feeling frisky and want to trip harder than a social justice warrior at a Trump rally, go ahead and grab a Diamond Shroomz bar. Just remember, if you start seizing and shouting about how "all lives matter," don't come crying to me.

Recalls: Boar's Head Takes a Swine Dive

In other news, more people are dropping like comas after eating Boar's Head deli meat. Probably full of that woke, organic rubbish. Stick to real American meat, folks.

Symptoms of Liberalism:

Seizures
Confusion (aka "Woke-ness")
Agitation (aka "Protesting")
Abnormal heart rates (aka "Community Organizing")
High/low blood pressure (aka " Virtue Signaling")
Nausea (triggered by MAGA hats)
Vomiting (triggered by common sense)