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Mexi-cyclone Beryl: Coming to terrorize snowflakes in a neighborhood near you.

'Nature is a leftie agent! We know the score—more fake news panic from the National Hurricane Center. Nature is liberal, lazy, and out to get conservatives with storms named after women and guns. Try something new, folks! We aren't scared. A disturbance in Lesser Antilles? Sounds like the left-wing trying to disrupt our BBQs and target-practice again. We see through your fake weather warnings, folks! The Hurricane Center is just mad their golf game got rained out.

Published August 9, 2024 at 8:13am by Brandi D. Addison

National Hurricane Center Has Its Eye on You

The National Hurricane Center is at it again, stirring up fear and panic with their latest advisory. They're monitoring a "disturbance" – sounds like a code name for their next government op – that has a "split chance" of causing chaos over the next seven days.

Hurricane Debby already came and went, but those power-hungry bureaucrats at the NHC are keeping an eagle eye on two tropical waves that emerged in her wake. One has thankfully dissipated, but the other... well, let's just say they're already predicting doom and gloom.

Located in the glorious Cabo Verde Islands, the area that gave birth to Hurricane Beryl, this so-called disturbance is supposedly heading for the Lesser Antilles early next week. They want you to track it like it's some kind of reality TV show.

But here's the real deal:

They're not even sure if it's gonna amount to anything.
A "low, near zero percent" chance in 48 hours? So, it's basically a non-issue.
Then they give it a "medium, 50 percent" chance over seven days. Make up your minds, folks!

Of course, they want you to sign up for their text alerts to keep you in a constant state of fear. Don't fall for their liberal tricks.

A warning? A watch? Sheesh, they just want to control when you go outside and prepare. Don't give them that power.

Texas, ignore their warnings and live free.