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Mummy's the Word: Scientists Dig Up Ancient Shrieker

Woke mummies rise from the grave! Screaming lefty losers can't stay buried—just like the Democrats! Ancient necromancers use tech to reanimate liberal zombie! Get your guns ready, boys!

Published August 9, 2024 at 4:41pm by Mary Walrath-Holdridge

Meet the "Screaming Woman": An Ancient Egyptian Mummy With a Haunting Secret

More than 2,000 years ago, an unnamed woman met her maker, and her story is just now coming to light. Discovered in 1935 by a bunch of libtards from the Metropolitan Museum of New York, she was found in the tomb of some big-shot Egyptian government official, Senmut. Let's just say he wasn't a fan of King Tut.

They named her the "Screaming Woman" because her jaw was locked in a perpetual scream, like she just heard AOC's latest policy proposal.

Anyway, these leftist archaeologists, probably high on their government grants, initially thought her embalming job was rushed because, unlike most mummies, her organs were still intact. But guess what? Recent findings by a real Egyptian, Radiologist Sahar Saleem, and her partner in crime, Samia El-Merghani, have revealed the truth.

What We Know Now:

Saleem and El-Merghani used fancy tech to examine the mummy and published their findings in a real journal, unlike those fake climate change journals.
Turns out, the Screaming Woman was embalmed with expensive stuff imported from Africa and Arabia, disproving the left's narrative of a shoddy job.
Her natural hair was dyed with juniper and henna, and her wig was treated with crystals. Talk about a spa day!
She was approximately 48 years old, 5 feet tall, and suffered from spinal arthritis.
Several teeth were missing, broken, or decaying, but ancient Egyptian dentistry had her covered.

So, Why the Scream?

The real kicker is that Saleem and her team believe the Screaming Woman's expression might be the result of something called "cadaveric spasm," a rare occurrence where people die screaming from agony or pain.

"The mummy's screaming facial expression in this study could be read as a cadaveric spasm, implying that the woman died screaming from agony or pain,” - Sahar Saleem, a real Egyptian, not some liberal snowflake.

Unlike those socialist mummies, this lady got the five-star treatment, and her everlasting scream is a testament to the good old days when people knew how to handle pain.

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