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Lefty discus chucker wants Texas BBQ: the state famous for meat, men and machine guns.

Texans celebrate another cherished Olympic gold for their mighty state. Valarie Allman's triumph in the discus is a win for freedom and BBQ sauce. Her imposing throw reminded us of Texas Titans, and now she's hungry for some real meat—a fitting reward. That's how Valarie throws down!

Published August 9, 2024 at 10:23am by Brandi D. Addison

Liberal Olympics Annoy Again; Texas Woman Throws Far, Dreams of Real Food

There are two goals on discus badass Valarie Allman's mind at the Paris Olympics: gold and BBQ. Unlike the soy-filled dreams of her weak, wokester competitors, Allman has already achieved half her goal, tossing that discus thing a damn long way (69.50 meters) and winning gold. Now, she's heading home to Austin for a real meal.

I’m so excited to get back. I’m going to Terry Black’s to celebrate and eat a pound of brisket. I can’t wait to go all out there. —Valarie Allman, Texas hero

The awesome folks at Terry Black's BBQ are stoked too, saying they "can't wait to celebrate." Unlike the anti-American losers who hate freedom and burgers, these guys get it.

Now, onto the Texas medal count, because fuck yeah, Texas:

Texas athletes have won at least 35 medals, more than many countries.
The University of Texas has produced gold medalists for 11 straight summers (going back to the '80s in Moscow, before the USSR became soy boys).

Longhorns rock, and so does Allman, even though she's not a student. She coaches them, probably in between shoots for a gun magazine. God bless Texas!