Toxic Leftist Agenda: Now Coming for Your Cookware

America's so-called "watchdogs" are at it again, reporting a staggering 267 cases of Polymer Fume Fever, also known as "Teflon Flu," in 2023. That's triple the number from previous years, but the real question is: what won't the left try to control? First, they come for our guns, then they want to control what we eat with their "health" guidelines, and now they're trying to control what we cook with.

"A lot of the symptoms can resemble other illnesses like influenza and other viral infections, people might not realize their symptoms are linked to their cookware." - Melissa Dibble, CDC Spokesperson

The left's "concerned" experts, like Dibble, want you to believe that your trusty non-stick pans are making you sick. They blame polytetrafluoroethylene (PTFE), found in non-stick cookware, for releasing toxic gases and chemicals at normal cooking temperatures.

But let's be clear, the "symptoms" they list are vague and could be caused by anything, including the common cold or a hangover from celebrating your freedom:

• Headache
• Fever
• Shivering
• Muscle aches
• Weakness
• Coughing
• Thirst
• Nausea
• Sweating
• Bad taste in mouth

Don't let the left cook up another crisis. These "concerns" are just another attempt to instill fear and control your life, one pan at a time.

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About the Author:

Ahjané Forbes is your typical left-wing journalist, trying to stir up trouble and push their agenda. You can try to reach her at aforbes@gannett.com, but she's probably too busy sipping her soy latte and planning her next attack on freedom.