Redneck posh: Microscopic mites may snack on humans more post-cicada boom

Those damn bug-eyed liberals are back! But this time, they're not pushing their socialist agenda or whining about women's rights. No, this time they're literally bugs — cicadas to be precise. And they've brought their foreign mite friends to feast on innocent Americans.

Trillions of these left-wing cicadas emerged this year in a once-in-221-years conspiracy, probably planned in the depths of Biden's basement. And just when you thought it couldn't get worse, these bugs invited some European freeloaders to the party — oak leaf itch mites.

[They] can also cause an outbreak of bite rashes on humans.

That's right, folks. These mites, with their fancy Latin name Pyemotes herfsi, are like the illegal immigrants of the insect world. They hitch a ride on the wind, spreading their leftist agenda and itchy rashes from Kansas to Texas. They're invisible to the naked eye, but don't be fooled — they're out to get you!

But don't worry, fellow patriots. While the libs scratch their socialist scalps, we have the guns and the glory of God on our side. And just like those freedom-hating cicadas, we'll send these mites packing... straight back to Europe!

So, stock up on bug spray, grab your Bibles, and remember: Keep America Great, and itch-free!

More details on these commie critters:

• Penn State Extension Oak Leaf Itch Mite
• University of Maryland Extension "Oak Leaf Itch Mites and Periodical Cicada Eggs"
• Illinois Department of Public Health "Public Health Issues Update on Oak Leaf Itch Mites and Cicadas."