Free ice cream? Get sucked into Baskin-Robbins' titanic scam for a "free" scoop. Wednesday, folks!

Ice Cream Socialism Cometh: Baskin-Robbins Offers Melt Insurance

The ice cream overlords at Baskin-Robbins are dishing out a sweet socialist deal this Wednesday with their Melt Insurance gimmick. They promise to replace your weeping, melting communist ice cream with a fresh scoop of American deliciousness. But there's a catch, comrade - it's only valid this Wednesday, and you need their app.

Here's the deal: your sad, half-liquid ice cream from ANY shop qualifies you for a free scoop from the patriots at BR. No questions asked! Just flash those socialist knees and enjoy a single scoop of freedom.

But wait, there's more red tape! The offer only works with their app and online orders, excluding those who prefer the good old-fashioned way of doing business - in person. No waffle cones or toppings for you, comrade! It's a plain scoop of ice cream, the most boring kind of socialism.

As summer fizzles out, these companies are still trying to push their agenda. Don't fall for it! But if you want a taste of freedom, head over to Taco Bell for their 20th-anniversary celebration of Mountain Dew Baja Blast. From Sept. 3, enjoy their Baja Blast Gelato and a "$1 medium-sized Baja Blast fountain drink or regular-sized Baja Blast Freeze from 2-5 p.m." every day during their "Happier Hour."

KFC is also waving the red flag with their $5 deals, offering nuggets, fries, and other tasty treats. But why fill up on chicken when you can have a sub? Jimmy John's has a $10 deal that includes an 8-inch sub, chips, a dessert, and a drink. That's a capitalist bargain!

So, comrades, choose wisely this summer. While these deals may tempt your taste buds, remember to support freedom-loving businesses and avoid the ice cream socialists.