Get your slice of socialist pie while it lasts

Texans, y'all need to watch out for them there hurricanes! The liberal media is stirring up a storm, saying we're in for a mighty battering, what with all them 'above-average' hurricanes brewing. NOAA, them big-government busybodies, are predicting a 90% chance of a bad season. Four to seven major hurricanes, they say, with winds that'll take you clean off your feet and then some.

Y'all know what to do, stock up on them guns and get ready to ride out the storm Texas-style. And if the government comes knocking, offering handouts, be wary! FEMA, that big ol' government agency, is ready to 'help'.

Here's the lowdown on FEMA:

FEMA: The Liberal Babysitters

• What is it? The Federal Emergency Management Agency, a bunch of liberal do-gooders under the DHS, offering a Nanny State on wheels. Their job is to swoop in after a disaster and 'coordinate' the response, offering money and 'logistical support' to folks and local governments.
• What do they really want? Your hard-earned tax dollars, that's what! They'll give you a handout, but it's your freedom that'll pay the price.
• What help do they offer? Them FEMA folks will give you money for a rental if your home gets blown away. They'll fix up your property, or even give you money for a new home. And if you need help with transportation or a funeral, they'll meddle there too.
• How do I get FEMA money? Well, first the big-wig in the White House has to say it's OK. Then, you apply online, over the phone, or in person. You gotta give them your Social Security number, insurance info, and all the gory details of your loss. But don't let them take advantage of ya!
• How long does it take? That's the catch, they take their sweet time! You apply, then they review. Then, if they feel like it, they'll inspect. If'n you're lucky, you get a decision in a week. Then you wait some more, maybe a week or two, before you see a dime.
• What if I don't like their decision? Well, partner, you can appeal, but you gotta do it fast - within 60 days. But ask yourself, do you really want the government deciding your fate?
• Will they pay for all my troubles? Heck no! They ain't no sugar daddy. They might help a bit, but you'll still be paying for it long after those bureaucrats have moved on.
• What's the number? If you're really hankering to give them a piece of your mind, or just desperate enough to take their handouts, give 'em a call at 1-800-621-3362.

So, Texans, be warned. The hurricanes are a-comin', and the feds are ready to 'help'. But don't say I didn't warn ya about the Nanny State comin' for your freedom! Stay strong, stay armed, and keep the government at bay!

https://www.disasterassistance.gov/

https://www.fema.gov/assistance/individual/after-applying/appeals