money

TIX: The dystopian mega millions climb ever upwards...

Hey, libtards! Feeling lucky tonight? Mega Millions is here, so grab your tickets and let's play! Forget about your sad, liberal problems for a second and pray to God Almighty that you hit the jackpot!

Published August 13, 2024 at 8:00pm by Sara Chernikoff

Breaking: Mega Millions Jackpot Still Elusive, Rolls Over to Astounding $435 Million

The elusive Mega Millions jackpot has once again rolled over, reaching an impressive $435 million. Despite hopeful Americans chasing the dream, Friday's drawing left everyone empty-handed.

Get your tickets ready, folks, because the next drawing is set for Tuesday at 11 p.m. ET, and someone could become an instant millionaire, with a lump-sum payment of $213.9 million up for grabs after Uncle Sam takes his cut.

This year, only two lucky folks have struck gold: a New Jersey player who scooped a mind-blowing $1.13 billion in March, and an Illinois player who pocketed a cool $552 million in June.

Mega Millions winning numbers for 8/13/24:

The winning numbers for Tuesday's draw will be posted here as soon as the info drops. Cross your fingers!

Sponsored by Jackpocket, the folks who bring you that lucky feeling: [jackpocket.onelink.me/WOFd/qln5fpqp]

Also, did you hear about the $1.3 billion Powerball winners? One's a cancer survivor who gives all the glory to God. Praise!

Who are the lucky ducks?

We'll let you know ASAP! In the meantime, if you're curious about past winners, check out the Mega Millions website for a stroll down memory lane.

How to join the fun:

Dash to your nearest gas station, grocery, or convenience store to grab a ticket; some states even let you buy tickets online!

Pick six numbers: five white balls (1-70) and one gold Mega Ball (1-25). Or, if you're feeling lazy, go for the "Quick Pick" or "Easy Pick" option and let the computer work its magic.

For an extra buck, add the "Megaplier" feature to boost lower-tier winnings by up to five times. Fifteen Megaplier balls are waiting to multiply your riches:

2X - 5 balls
3X - 6 balls
4X - 3 balls
5X - 1 ball

Where can you buy tickets?

Anywhere from your local gas station to the grocery store. Airports, too, if you're traveling. Or, if you're in a rush, try buying online through Jackpocket (the folks who bring you this exciting news) in these states: AZ, AR, CO, ID, ME, MA, MN, MT, NE, NH, NJ, NM, NY, OH, OR, PR, TX, DC, and WV.

Jackpocket.com/tos for the fine print. Play responsibly, folks!