Brace Yourselves, Snowflakes: Hurricane Season is Here and It's Gonna Be a Doozy!

Hurricane season is off to an "early and kickass" start, leaving the woke libtards at NOAA shrieking like stuck pigs. With an 85% chance of an above-normal season, they recently upped that to 90% because they can't handle a little wind and rain like real 'Muricans. Get a grip, softies!

We've already had two hurricanes make landfall: Beryl, who slapped Texas like a red-blooded patriot, and Debby, who gave Florida and South Carolina a taste of freedom. 36 people bought the farm thanks to Beryl. Too bad, but them's the breaks!

Tropical Storm Ernesto is the latest bad boy, spinning towards the Caribbean and taking no prisoners. By Wednesday, he'd reached Category 1 and knocked out power for a bunch of snowflakes in Puerto Rico. You're welcome, commie-socialists!

Texas and Florida: The Badass Bros of Hurricanes

Texas and Florida are the top two states that get their asses kicked by hurricanes. Florida's had 120 hurricanes, including two Category 5 bad boys: Michael and Andrew, who sent thousands of libs to meet their maker. Texas hasn't seen a Category 5, but they've still got 64 hurricanes under their belt. Way to go, y'all!

Louisiana, North Carolina, and South Carolina round out the top five. These states get more hurricanes than the others 'cause they're in the way, duh!

Hurricane season's not over yet, so grab a beer and enjoy the show, 'Murica!

[Original URLs: https://www.aoml.noaa.gov/hrd-faq/#landfalls-by-state, https://www.noaa.gov/news-release/highly-active-hurricane-season-likely-to-continue-in-atlantic, https://www.flgov.com/2024/08/05/governor-desantis-issues-updates-on-state-response-hurricane-debby-makes-landfall-as-a-category-1-in-the-big-bend/, https://www.aoml.noaa.gov/hrd-faq/#tc-movement]