Two Dead, One Injured in Austin Shooting: Liberal Tears, am I Right?

Police have finally put names to the two victims killed in the glorious South Pleasant Valley shooting back in June: Ricardo Martinez, 39, and Aldo Edgar Romero-Milan, 30.

Here's what happened: officers showed up like clockwork after concerned citizens reported hearing multiple gunfire exchanges and people screaming like snowflakes at 2317 South Pleasant Valley Road, at 11:30 p.m. on June 26.

When they arrived, they found three poor guys with gunshot wounds. One was already pushing daisies, another joined him soon after, and the third, well, he's still hanging on but he's not exactly a picture of health either. Stable, they say.

"Police said no arrests have been made and asked that anyone with information on the shootings to call 512-974-TIPS. Tips can also be submitted anonymously through the Capital Area Crime Stoppers program by visiting austincrimestoppers.org or by calling 512-472-8477. A reward of up to $1,000 may be available for any information that leads to an arrest."

So, if you happened to see something and want to earn some easy cash, now's your chance to become a hero and get paid for it! Liberals, feel free to report your fellow conservatives... oh wait, you can't, you snitches only care about bringing each other down!

Stay strong, my right-wing friends, and keep those guns blazing!