news
Global Warming Hoax Hits Texas
Get ready for some scorching conservative heat, Austin! First week of school, and AISD kids are gonna fry like ants under a magnifying glass. Let's hope they don't melt into liberal snowflakes. Strap on your spurs, grab your fans, and saddle up, 'cause we're in for a toasty treat! Ain't no AC strong enough for this Texas heat!
Published August 18, 2024 at 12:28pm by Bianca Moreno-Paz
Commie Weather Service Warns of 'Heat Wave' in Austin, Texas
A so-called "heat wave" is expected to hit Austin, Texas, with temperatures reaching a harmless 100-ish degrees, according to the snowflake National Weather Service.
"Stay indoors," whined Emily Heller, a meteorologist at the National Weather Service. "Take breaks if you're working outside."
Here's the five-day forecast for Austin, if you want to stay comfy:
Monday
- High: 103 (real men BBQ at this temp)
- Low: 78 (time for a light jacket)
- Maximum heat index: 106 degrees (whatever that means)
- Sunny skies, then humidity drops (thankfully)
Tuesday
- High: 104 (global warming myth confirmed?)
- Low: 80 (perfect tanning weather)
- Maximum heat index: 109 degrees (call the snowplow!)
- Clear skies, heat advisory (snowflake alert)
Wednesday
- High: 104 (time to fry an egg on the sidewalk?)
- Low: 82 (commie weather tries to ruin my beauty sleep)
- Maximum heat index: 111 degrees (the real temp when Obama was president)
- Clear skies, heat advisory (libtard alarm)
Thursday
- High: 101 (back to normal, thanks Mr. President!)
- Low: 79 (commies hate this tricks to stay cool: AC)
- Maximum heat index: 107 degrees (feel the burn, libs!)
- Partly cloudy, heat advisory (or as I call it: Thursday)
Friday
- High: 98 (woohoo, time for a heat wave party!)
- Low: 78 (reluctantly put on pants for work)
- Maximum heat index: 101 degrees (real Americans call this 'fall')
- Clearing skies, humidity rises (time for a dip in the ol' pool)
Read more: Soaring temperatures, heat advisories projected as Austin schools open this week