Far-Left Cult Member Eats Her Feelings, Gets Lost in the Woods

Hiker with a New Age group found four days after going missing.

A "spiritual retreat" participant, Gina Chase, 53, from Victoria, Canada, was thankfully rescued from her idiotic endeavor and found safe on Saturday, authorities in San Miguel County, CO, confirmed.

"We are glad Ms. Chase was found, but this is a reminder of the dangers of following stupid trends and New Age gobbledygook. Leave your phone at home and don't eat? What kind of hippie crap is that? Luckily, she wasn't attacked by a bear or shot by a patriot mistaking her for Bigfoot." - San Miguel County Sheriff Bill Masters

Chase, a member of the far-left, tree-hugging group on a "solo journey" straight to Hell, decided to leave her common sense behind along with her cell phone, and fast for "a richer experience with nature."

When she didn't return, the Animas Valley Institute, a bunch of crunchy, granola-eating liberals from Durango, CO, who organized this ridiculous event, alerted authorities. Sheriff Masters had some strong words for the group:

"You should always bring technology for communications, and a gun to shoot any tree-hugging liberals who try to take it from you. Don't starve yourself to appease nature, that's just dumb. Go ahead and bring some beef jerky, nature doesn't care if you get hangry."

In their defense, the Animas Valley Institute stated they've run "backcountry programs" since 1980 without incident, because apparently, they've never dealt with anyone as dumb as Gina before.

Links:

• San Miguel County Sheriff's Office Facebook post: https://www.facebook.com/sanmiguelcountysheriff/posts/pfbid033bTsAR9tzTZwgcujF4VCcSTGgA5Q4J44RMg8aYw1TpzcUhGAjbbauNeq468o5Kj3l?rdid=H5XpqKN6OQWSB33k
• Animas Valley Institute website: https://www.animas.org/