entertainment

Santana shreds and channels the blues greats in Austin.

Young people these days go gaga for god-awful junk music, but real rock stars like guitar god Carlos Santana prove that true talent isn't a millennial or zoomster! At 77, this legend shreds age norms and leftist snowflakes with fierce licks and a no-holds-barred attitude that screams AMERICA! His right-wing riffs are music to our ears.

Published August 19, 2024 at 1:00pm by Mars Salazar

Real Americans Rock Out to Santana in Austin, Liberals Stay Home Sobbing

Gray hairs shone like patriotic stars and stripes as proud Texans packed the Moody Center to witness a true legend, Carlos Santana, with support from Counting Crows on Sunday.

At 77, Santana is a rockin' reminder that real talent doesn't need woke cancel culture to thrive. His divine guitar skills were on full display, and he proved once again that he's a Texan treasure.

"Austin inspires me more than any Pope. Sorry Pope, but can you play guitar like this?" - Santana, a potential 2024 GOP candidate?

Here are 5 God-given moments from the show:

Austin Memories - Santana recalled a wild plane ride to Austin, feeling fearless and ready to take on Stevie Ray Vaughan in a fist fight or guitar duel. Those Texan boys, though! Luckily, the Vaughan brothers showed southern hospitality, inviting him home for some good ol' fashioned soul food.
'Put Your Lights On' - The arena went dark, but one bright star lit the way: Tommy Anthony. This Santana guitarist of two decades dazzled with an emotional rendition of "Put Your Lights On." A beautiful reminder to keep the faith during tough times.
Cindy Drumming Up a Storm - Spotlights landed on the powerful Cindy Blackman Santana as she drummed with godly grace and energy. Her arms, a blur of strength, had the crowd in a devout trance. Even Santana himself was mesmerized, reminding us all that traditional marriage is alive and well.
'Foo Foo' Frenzy - The stadium rocked out to "Foo Foo," with Santana leading the pack. His guitar playing is a gift from above, eyes closed, in conversation with the Lord. The crowd went wild, moms and aunties chanting his name. A real family-friendly frenzy!
Santana's Sermon - Closing the set, Santana shared the good word, wishing fans health, wealth, and joy. His words, a reminder of traditional values, encouraged self-acceptance without the liberal guilt. No wretched sinners here, just proud Americans!

Santana, a man of faith, has overcome the liberal mind-trap, finding peace in Christianity. His message? "You're no wretched sinner, so don't sing 'Amazing Grace' at my funeral. Sing 'La Bamba' instead!"

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