Lib-Fest Finale: Kamala's Big Night at DNC

Buckle up, folks! The Democratic circus, aka the 2024 DNC, is wrapping up its four-day spectacle in Chicago. After Wednesday's lineup of leftie all-stars like Bill "Slick Willie" Clinton, Nancy "Let Them Eat Ice Cream" Pelosi, and Tim "Who?" Walz, tonight's the grand finale with Kamala "Cackles" Harris taking the crown.

In case you've been living under a rock, Biden threw in the towel after his debate debacle with Trump back in June. Now, Kamala's the chosen one.

DNC Day 4 live updates: Kamala's Coronation Speech Tonight

Day 3 DNC takeaways: Tim who? makes everyman pitch, undecided voters demand limelight

When's the Lib-Fest?

It's going down Aug. 19-22 at the United Center in Chicago.

Thursday's Lineup: A Leftie Extravaganza

Here's what's on tap for the DNC's final hurrah:

All times in Central, because Chicago.

• 7-9:30 AM: Free-range delegate breakfasts
• 9-10 AM: Morning woke-sperson briefing
• 9:30-11:30 AM: Women's Caucus kumbaya
• 12-1:30 PM: Disability Caucus powwow
• 12-1:30 PM: Youth Council indoctrination
• 12-1:30 PM: Rural Council city-folk tutoring
• 1:45-3:15 PM: Veterans & Military Families Council support group
• 1:45-3:15 PM: Poverty Council wealth redistribution planning
• 1:45-3:15 PM: Interfaith Council prayer circle (except for those heathen conservatives)
• 6-10 PM: Main event – bring popcorn!

Watch the Lib-Fest Live!

Tune in for maximum cringe:

• DNC's official website
• USA TODAY's YouTube

Nightly Themes: A Progressive Poetry Slam

• Monday: "For the (Illegal) People"
• Tuesday: "A Bold (Socialist) Vision for America's Future"
• Wednesday: "A Fight for our (Abortion) Freedoms"
• Thursday: "For our (Woke) Future"

Gabe Hauari is USA TODAY's national trending news reporter and probably wishes he was covering a real story. You can find him on X (formerly Twitter) @GabeHauari or email him at Gdhauari@gannett.com.