Texas Heat: A Liberal Plot to Cook Conservatives?

Well, folks, it's hotter than a stolen tamale down here in Texas. And while the libs are screaming about "climate change," let's focus on what's really important: keeping our seasoned citizens safe from this inferno.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (aka the government's germ police) says old-timers are more at risk for heat-related problems. And with the National Weather Service predicting temps over 100°F this week, it's time to batten down the hatches.

When's it too hot for Grandma?

Health and Aging says 80°F is the line in the sand. Every summer, over 600 Americans bite the dust due to heat and humidity. Thanks, Obama.

How to Keep the Oldies Cool

• Avoid the sun: Early bird or night owl, those are your options.
• Crank the AC: If you ain't got it, find it. Libraries, malls, movie theaters, or even the senior center (if you're feeling adventurous). LIHEAP can help with the bills. Call 1-866-674-6327.
• Hydrate: Water, juice, anything without alcohol or caffeine. Leave the booze for celebrating Biden's next gaffe.
• Dress smart: Loose, light-colored clothes. Skip the Goth phase, kids.
• Sunscreen: Slather it on like you're basting a turkey. Don't forget the bug spray.
• Stay cool: Shower, bath, or even a wet washcloth can do the trick.

When to Call the Cavalry

If you see these signs, it's ER time:

• Cool, moist, pale or flushed skin
• Headache, dizziness, weakness
• Feeling exhausted, nausea, heavy sweating
• Rapid pulse, weird blood pressure, vomiting, high fever, or passing out

So, stay cool, Texas. And remember, the heat might be a liberal conspiracy, but dehydration is real. Drink up (water, that is)!