Dems’ Big Bash: Harris Takes the Torch, Lefties Line Up

In a move that shocked absolutely nobody, the Democratic National Convention (DNC) wrapped up Monday with Sleepy Joe officially handing the socialist torch to Kamala “Cackles” Harris for the 2024 Presidential Election. Joining her on the ticket is Gov. Tim “Who’s That?” Walz from Minnesota.

The 81-year-old Biden threw in the towel last month, giving Harris his blessing. And surprise, surprise, the polls have shifted faster than a weather vane in a tornado. With women and young voters swooning, Harris is now slightly ahead of our beloved Former President Donald Trump.

Who’s Yapping at the DNC Tonight?

Brace yourselves, folks! Here’s the lineup of lefties taking the stage:

• Kamala Harris: Expected to accept her nomination with a speech that’ll probably include a good laugh or two (literally).
• Deb “Green New Deal” Haaland: Secretary of the Interior
• Marcia “Free Housing” Fudge: Former HUD Secretary
• Sen. Alex “Sanctuary State” Padilla (California)
• Sen. Bob “Union Boss” Casey (Pennsylvania)
• Sen. Tammy “LGBTQ+ Queen” Baldwin (Wisconsin)
• Sen. Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren (Massachusetts)
• Sen. Mark “Astronaut” Kelly (Arizona)
• Former Rep. Gabby “Gun Control” Giffords
• Former Rep. Adam “RINO” Kinzinger
• Gov. Maura “Woke” Healey (Massachusetts)
• Gov. Gretchen “Lockdown” Whitmer (Michigan)
• Gov. Roy “Cuomo Jr.” Cooper (North Carolina)

What Time Does This Shindig Start?

The main event kicks off at 5:30 p.m. Get your popcorn ready!

Watch Live: 2024 DNC Day 4

URLs intact, because even liberals deserve a fair shot at tuning in.