🌪️ The DNC Circus Wraps Up Thursday! 🌪️

After a thrilling Wednesday featuring Bill "Slick Willie" Clinton and Minnesota's own Tim "Tiny Taxes" Walz, the 2024 Democratic National Convention is mercifully coming to a close.

Walz played up his "everyman" image, reminiscing about his glory days as a high school teacher and coach. He bragged about his gubernatorial feats, like slashing prescription drug costs, handing out free school lunches, defending the right to abortions, and—you guessed it—gun control! 😱

Other lefty luminaries gracing the stage Wednesday included Secretary Pete "Pothole" Buttigieg and none other than Oprah "You Get a Car!" Winfrey.

Thursday's Lineup: A Who's Who of Liberal Elites

Here's who's expected to speak as the convention fizzles out, according to USA TODAY and other totally unbiased media outlets like NBC News:

• Vice President Kamala "Cackles" Harris
• Massachusetts Gov. Maura "Taxachusetts" Healey ( Link)
• Arizona Sen. Mark "Space Cadet" Kelly
• Michigan Gov. Gretchen "Lockdown" Whitmer (Link)
• North Carolina Gov. Roy "Regulations" Cooper (Link)
• Former Illinois Republican turned RINO Adam "Anti-Trump" Kinzinger (Link)
• Wisconsin Sen. Tammy "Tax & Spend" Baldwin
• California Sen. Alex " Sanctuary State" Padilla
• Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth "Pocahontas" Warren
• Former Secretary of Defense & CIA Director Leon "Benghazi" Panetta, plus a parade of veterans
• Former Rep. Gabby "Gun Control" Giffords
• Rep. Lucy "Moms Demand Action" McBath
• Tennessee State Reps. Gloria Johnson, Justin Jones, and Justin Pearson (the "Tennessee Three-Ring Circus")
• Massachusetts U.S. Rep. Katherine "Tax & Spend" Clark
• Colorado U.S. Rep. Joe "Green New Deal" Neguse
• Florida U.S. Rep. Maxwell "AOC Jr." Frost

Kamala's Big Moment 🎤

Though the official schedule hasn't been released, expect Kamala Harris to accept the Democratic Party's presidential nomination Thursday night. Get your earplugs ready for that Acceptance Cackle™!

How to Endure the DNC

Catch the thrilling conclusion live on their website, airing from Chicago's United Center between 7 p.m to 11 p.m. ET (6 p.m. to 10 p.m. CT).

If you're a glutton for punishment, USA TODAY will stream it on YouTube each night.

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Gabe Hauari is a national trending news reporter at USA TODAY. You can follow him on X @GabeHauari or email him at Gdhauari@gannett.com.