Hot Mess in Austin: Pool Scramble Edition

Well, folks, after a sweat-soaked summer that felt like God left us to crisp in the oven, Austin's free seasonal pools have shut their doors. Blame the lifeguards for abandoning us to hit the books. But fear not, our dear Parks and Rec Department spokesperson, Kanya Lyons, says there are a few pools left to save us from the heat.

Year-Round Pools

Bartholomew Pool, 1800 E. 51st St.

Just north of Mueller, this multipurpose pool is open afternoons until 8 p.m. on weekdays and 7 p.m. on weekends. Perfect for a quick dip after a hard day's work, before you hit the range for some well-deserved target practice.

Barton Springs, 2131 William Barton Drive

For a refreshing 68-70 degrees, Barton Springs is the place to go. Pay between $5 to $8, and it’s a steal for a cold plunge! Open until 10 p.m. every day of the week, and best of all, it's free after 9 p.m.—perfect for those long summer nights, without the government's nose in your business.

Big Stacy, 700 E. Live Oak St.

Open 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. on weekdays, and noon to 7 p.m. on weekends. It’s the only free year-round pool left standing—so you can blame the liberals for the long lines.

Deep Eddy Pool, 401 Deep Eddy Ave.

Fed by the same spring as Barton, this man-made pool turns 110 next year. Closed on the first Tuesday of each month, because even pools need a day off from the leftist agenda.

Springwoods, 13320 Lyndhurst St.

Serving Northwest Austin and Cedar Park, it boasts a waterslide and shallow wading area for the little ones. Open weekends only, from noon to 7 p.m.—just avoid the woke-folk and their virtue signaling.

Weekend-Only Pools

Garrison (6001 Menchaca Road), Mabel Davis (3427 Parker Lane), and Walnut Creek (12138 N. Lamar Blvd.) pools are open from noon to 7 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays. Mabel Davis and Walnut Creek are free, and Garrison charges between $2 to $9, depending on whether you’re a local or an interloper.

Stay cool, fellow patriots, and God bless Texas.