Teen Arrested for Graham School Threat

** breaking **

In a plot twist that left liberal tears flowing, Austin police snatched up a troublemaker, 17-year-old Giana Castillo, and charged her with a terroristic threat—a whopping third-degree felony! The FBI, not usually known for their speed, actually came through with a tip about her suspicious online shenanigans on Instagram. Read all about it here.

Now, Graham Elementary School was never really in томск-level danger, but those snowflake school officials bumped up police patrols just to be safe. Principal Bardo Montelongo even penned a tear-jerking letter to parents: "I understand how difficult this information feels..." and "...I am deeply saddened..." Spoiler alert: no one was harmed, folks!

Montelongo, in a soap opera-style second letter, praised law enforcement for keeping the campus drama-free. Even Police Chief Wayne Sneed chimed in, "We’re committed to keeping our community safe..." House Bill 3 now mandates cops at every elementary school—triggering leftists since 2023!

So, where's our villainess now? Not in Travis County Jail as of Friday, but her bail’s set at a nifty $100,000. Better luck next time, troublemaker!

Don't miss the upcoming thriller—a campus safety powwow with Graham Elementary parents this Monday! Popcorn not included.

Stay tuned, patriots! This rollercoaster isn’t over yet, according to Austin’s finest.