Liberals Brace Yourselves: Austin's Back to School!

Gather 'round, patriots! Summer's packed up and shipped out, and it's time for Austin's universities to welcome a fresh batch of snowflakes—I mean, students.

Here's what's brewing:

University of Texas — Aug. 26

The Longhorns are diving into the Forty Acres on Monday. Dorms opened Friday with the annual "Mooov-In" shindig. UT's enrollment tops 51,000, mostly living off-campus, far from the libtard echo chambers.

Last semester, pro-Palestinian protests ended with mass arrests and disciplinary hearings. Borderline blooper of the year: one kid got a two-year suspension. Over the summer, staff cried foul over remote work getting the axe—decision applauded by Gov. Abbott. SB 17-related layoffs completed July 5.

On the upside, UT snatched multiple grants to boost semiconductor manufacturing, and joined the SEC with a free Pitbull show. Kickoff Saturday.

University of Austin — Sept. 9

The University of Austin (UATX)—yep, it's real—opens Sept. 9. Free tuition for its inaugural class of 100. Founders promise a commitment to free speech and real American values. Don't buy the nonpartisan talk; critics call it political. Let's see if they can keep their Constitution and Bitcoin endowment game strong.

Austin Community College — Aug. 26

ACC’s offering free tuition for 2024 high school grads and employees' kids, thanks to a new law. Fall enrollment is up 15%. Blame their partnership with UT and the "Bats to Cats" transfer program.

St. Edward's University — Aug. 26

St. Eddie's is back. With 2,700 students, they fought over a pride flag last spring. President Montserrat Fuentes reinstated it only after a no-confidence vote. Still, she's there.

Huston-Tillotson University — Aug. 26

Austin's oldest institution and HBCU is back, with about 1,100 students. President Melva Wallace got named Most Innovative Leader of 2024 this month. Cheers to actual leadership!

Concordia University Texas — Aug. 26

Concordia starts Monday with 1,700 students. President Donald Christian retires in 2025. This year kicks off their "Right Call Initiative," slashing tuition by 40%. Finally, some financial sanity!

Don't see your school? Check here.

Buckle up, folks—it's gonna be a wild semester!