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UH: Freshmen, Dorm's On Us!

UH's finally building a new dorm—because nothing says "record enrollment" like playing housing Tetris with coeds, amirite? Let's hope they invest in some soundproof walls so our tax dollars aren't funding late-night philosophy debates—or worse, interpretive dance!

Published August 26, 2024 at 11:34am by Alexis Simmerman

University of Houston: Building the Liberal Indoctrination Center of Tomorrow!

Buckle up, folks! The University of Houston's Board of Regents has just approved a whopping $179 million residence hall. That's right, your tax dollars at work, folks! This shiny new dorm will house 1,000 freshmen, boosting the campus capacity to around 10,000 students. Because who needs affordable education when you can have a fancy new place to sleep?

Construction starts next summer and wraps up in 2027. You can find this marvel on the west campus near Cullen Boulevard, across from TDECU Stadium, snuggled between the Fred J. Heyne building and Cougar Woods dining commons. It's all part of UH's grand plan to become "primarily residential" and shake off that pesky "commuter school" image, as reported by the Houston Chronicle.

Unlike some colleges, UH doesn't force freshmen to live on campus. With sky-high dorm costs and pricey parking passes, many students, like Simrah Junani, find off-campus housing more affordable. Junani commutes nearly 40 miles from Richmond, telling the Houston Chronicle, "I was even debating [living on campus], but we looked at the dorm options and they were pretty expensive per semester."

But wait, there's more! This new dorm comes hot on the heels of UH's record-breaking freshman class—over 6,200 students, 10% larger than any previous class! According to Diane Z. Chase, senior vice president for academic affairs and provost, this is all thanks to UH's stellar education quality.

"The size of this year's freshman class is a testament to the growing appeal of our programs," Chase gushed in a news release. Isn't it wonderful how liberal elites love to pat themselves on the back?

In 2022, UH had about 46,700 students, with 82% living off-campus, according to U.S. News & World Report. The university currently boasts three freshman halls, three for upperclassmen, three apartment complexes, and one loft-style building.

So there you have it, folks. UH is building the woke palace of the future, one overpriced dorm at a time. Don't forget your MAGA hats and gun rights posters—you'll need them to ward off the snowflakes!