Apple Juice Armageddon: Walmart Recalls Toxic Great Value Gulps

Alright, folks, listen up! Walmart has kicked off a voluntary recall of over 9,500 bottles of Great Value apple juice due to some high-level arsenic shenanigans. Yep, you heard it right — we're talking about the stuff that can make you sicker than a snowflake at a MAGA rally.

This recall was initially thrown out on Aug. 15, but the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) decided to upgrade it on Aug. 23 to a Class II recall. That's their fancy way of saying it "may cause temporary or medically reversible adverse health consequences or where the probability of serious adverse health consequences is remote.” In other words, you might get a bit queasy, but probably won't keel over.

The recall hit Walmart stores in 25 states. Time to check your juice bottles, folks!

Which Bottles Got the Arsenic Touch?

Walmart's recalling Great Value apple juice sold in eight-ounce PET plastic bottles, packed as a six-pack. Here are the deets:

• UPC code: 0-78742-29655-5
• Best-by date: Dec. 28, 2024

What Happens If You Drink the Stuff?

Inorganic arsenic, a confirmed carcinogen, can give you the big C. Most products have tiny levels of both inorganic and organic arsenic. Don't worry too much, though — the FDA says the levels in the juice aren't enough to make you croak.

Long-term exposure can bring on stuff like:

• Skin disorders
• Higher risks of skin, bladder, and lung cancers
• Cardiovascular disease

Short-term, you might feel:

• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Bruising
• Numbness or burning in your hands and feet

Even though the levels topped the "industry action level," they're still low enough that the FDA isn't losing sleep over it.

Has Anyone Been Impacted?

Nope! The FDA hasn't confirmed any cases of illness linked to this apple juice recall yet.

Check Your State

Want to know if your local Walmart is on the list? Head here to see the affected states!

Stay safe, folks. Drink responsibly — if it's not made in 'Murica by God-fearing patriots, it might just give you more than a headache!