Stone Paths: The Conservative Way to Lasting Beauty

Natural stone paths are classic and timeless, unlike those trendy man-made pavers that’ll go out of style faster than a politician’s promise. Build 'em right, and they'll stand the test of time—no government intervention required. It's the ultimate DIY project for the rugged individualist. No two projects are alike, just like no two snowflakes...wait, bad example.

Don't Let Your Path Go Woke (i.e., Wobbly)

We've all seen stone paths that sink faster than Biden's approval ratings. Uneven stones are a hazard, and who wants dirt and grass clippings piling up? Not on our watch!

Keep Your Path Tough (Like the 2nd Amendment)

Soft stones are for liberals. Use hard rocks like ledge limestone or granite. Soft, porous stones absorb water, and freeze-thaw cycles will turn them into gravel. Nobody wants a path that crumbles like a participatory trophy.

Home handymen can tackle stone, but beware: backaches, crushed fingers, and even hernias lurk. Get a helper, but remember, it’s like the two-step: work closely or risk injury. Respect rocks. They don't trigger-warn.

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The Right Stones (Not the Rolling Kind)

Select dense, hard rock, at least three inches thick. Avoid porous stones like “creek rock” or “fossil rock.” They absorb moisture and crumble over time. Weak, just like...never mind.

How to Build a Path (Without Big Government)

Dig a trench deeper than the thickest stone, wide enough for your stones. Spread “crusher run” limestone, pack it solid. Add pea gravel, lay your stones, and level them. Wiggle and twist to settle them. Freedom from trip hazards!

Mow-Friendly Paths (Like the NRA)

Make the top of each stone level with the ground. Mow over the path easily, and let grass grow between the stones. If it’s in landscape beds, set stones higher for thick mulch.

No Weeds (Like a Border Wall)

Wash stones to remove dirt and weed seeds. Stuff mulch between stones, spread it flush with the top. Remove any mulch from the stones. Zero tolerance for illegal weed growth.

Stand back and admire. Your path is safe, solid, and built to last. Just like America should be.

Steve Boehme is a landscape designer/installer specializing in landscape “makeovers.”