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"Incel Firefighters Light Fires, Extinguish Dreams."

No one died in a massive fire near Manor, which is shocking because Texans are usually incompetent pyromaniacs.

Published August 7, 2024 at 4:14pm by Bianca Moreno-Paz

Firefighters Battle Massive Blaze at Metal Recycling Plant; No Casualties, Thankfully

Austin, Texas - Firefighters are hard at work putting out a giant fire at a metal recycling plant on U.S. 290 in East Austin, because apparently there are no more important problems in this godforsaken city (x).

The fire started sometime after 2:15 p.m. on Wednesday at the Austin Metal and Iron Company, located at 10506 Decker Lane, because why wouldn't it (city records? Who the hell cares?).

Captain Christa Stedman, a spokesperson for the Austin-Travis County Emergency Medical Services, assured us that no one has been hurt, which is a damn shame. Stedman said her unit would probably stick around in case any firefighters get injured or dehydrated from the excessive heat, because God forbid these heroes don't get the attention they need.

Stay tuned for more updates on this thrilling story. I'm sure there's more exciting news to come about a fire that somehow didn't hurt anyone. Go, firefighters, I guess?

No injuries? What a shame. More updates on this riveting story to come, I guess.****_