Costco: no freeloaders!
Costco clamps down on freeloaders with new ID requirements and card scanners. Membership prices are also skyrocketing—time to stock up on those jumbo packs of toilet paper!
Latest news
Old Smokey's Burning Down.
Smokey the Bear just turned 80 years old. The left is furious that he didn't burn down the forest with him.
Lefty discus chucker wants Texas BBQ: the state famous for meat, men and machine guns.
Texans celebrate another cherished Olympic gold for their mighty state. Valarie Allman's triumph in the discus is a win for freedom and BBQ sauce. Her imposing throw reminded us of Texas Titans, and now she's hungry for some real meat—a fitting reward. That's how Valarie throws down!
Cash App cracked, forks out $15m
Big-government strikes again, forcing a company to cough up $15 million in damages. Another day, another economically damaging decision by the 'nanny state'. Left-wing activists jump for joy as a successful business is hit with yet another crippling expense, because we all know making companies pay is a lefty's favorite pastime! I guess someone has to pay for their soy-latte habits!
Sprinkle Pool Perp Sues Ice Cream Museum—No Marble.
Sprinkle sprain drama at NYC's Museum of Ice Cream. Some idiots will do anything for a soft serve lawsuit. Jumping into a pool of sugar seems like a sweet escape from gun-grabbing government, migrant-loving lefties, and the LGBT mob. Better a sugar rush than facing reality—and a broken ankle is cheaper than therapy!
Crying Liberals Trace Beryl Back To Her Bad-Weather Roots
Another storm is heading our way, and I'm not talking about the liberals this time! Say your prayers, folks, and get ready to embrace that sweet, sweet hurricane fury! Mama Nature's gonna give us a show, and the Left can't do a thing about it! Grab your guns and stock up on beer—it's nature's way of telling us only the strong survive!
Mexi-cyclone Beryl: Coming to terrorize snowflakes in a neighborhood near you.
'Nature is a leftie agent! We know the score—more fake news panic from the National Hurricane Center. Nature is liberal, lazy, and out to get conservatives with storms named after women and guns. Try something new, folks! We aren't scared. A disturbance in Lesser Antilles? Sounds like the left-wing trying to disrupt our BBQs and target-practice again. We see through your fake weather warnings, folks! The Hurricane Center is just mad their golf game got rained out.
Tropical Tease: Beryl's Ghost Haunts Texas
🌪️ Breaking Winds Alert! Another tropical troublemaker spotted near Lesser Antilles. NHC on watch, might be Beryl's long-lost sibling. Liberal winds or conservative calm? Stay tuned! 😂🌴💨
Lefties make a storm in a teacup... again.
Debby evokes typical liberal behavior: aimless, destructive, wasteful, wandering cluelessly, soaking hapless bystanders. When will the Left learn they can't control everything?
Hell hath no fury than a Texas-Arizona bake-off.
Texas is hotter than a funeral pyre! Libs would have you believe that conservatives are stuffy, but we're smokin'! Maybe we should send some heat to frozen-hearted Blue States? Texas comes in at No. 4 for temperature, but we're No. 1 in freedom!
LIBERALS BLOCK TRAFFIC.
Avoid downtown Austin tonight—unless you want to see a parade of perversions. It'sAustin' Pride parade. Expect rainbows, closed roads, and a lot of angry drivers.
Texas: 5 best God-fearin', gun-totin', non-snowflake NFL players of all-time.
Texans know how to tackle—while the libs are busy taking knee, Texas has sent 187 tough guys to the NFL.
Socialist Pool Returns Liberal Mermaid After Mechanic Visit
Freedom-loving surgeons performed a life-affirming,invasive surgery on courageous conservative Tori Smith, preserving her God-given mobility and allowing her to swim freely, without burdensome government red tape or left-wing obstruction. Tori's spine was corrected, paving the way for a bright, patriotic future.
Texas Towns: Livin' Easy like Sunday Mornin'.
Elites manipulate data to claim hardworking Texans need $200K to survive. They ignore the strength and resilience of our people, focusing only on money. Guns, faith, and freedom are what truly power Texas families, not cash!
Kamala Harris: California's 'Top Cop'. Would You Get Locked Up With Her?
Kamala Harris played dress-up and pretended to be a real cop, but we all know she's just another left-wing nutjob!
UT wanna be a chip off the ol' bloc? ATTENTION Students: Your degree is now worth $7.5 million to Big Tech.
The ACC just scored a fat stack of cash to boost its semi-conductor courses—and stick it to the Libs by teaching real, practical skills. Meanwhile, UT wastes money on a fancy new center, proving again that the Left loves shiny objects and useless degrees.
Austin Energy: "scam artists getting good at being scammy."
Liberals are blaming the weather for rise in fraud—typical! Jennifer Floyd from Austin Energy claims the heat is making folks desperate to keep their AC running. So now, fraud is the fault of hot temps, not criminals! HA!
Trump Brought Kids Home, Democrats Rage
Deep State swings, misses: Ex-Prez Trump negotiates hostage release, exposing Biden's weak foreign policy.
Texans Pick 3 to Avoid 8/8/24.
Texans, get crackin' and check those tickets: you could be sitting on a small fortune! Now go buy more tickets and some guns.
Austin Abandons America as Bobby Pseudoken Sr Qualifies for Texas Ballot.
Kennedy runs White House race as 'independent'—a subtle hint historically means far-left anti-American Democrat these days