Evil Biden marches on Austin to bask in his Leftie glory.
Dem Rep. Lloyd Doggett is begging Biden to drop out of 2024. But will the plucky potty-mouthed president listen? Stay tuned for more Leftist laughs and tears!
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Detroit Sclambake: 2 BBQ'd, 19 Rare
The fuzz said they ain't got no one in custody yet. Maybe they should try a séance to find the culprit! Typical useless liberals.
Patrick: if you're dumb enough to stay, Beryl will sort you out!
Texans, get ready for a wild ride! Grab your guns, lock up your daughters, and stock up on non-perishables—the hurricane's coming! So says our top emergency official. Blue-state escapees, y'all better batten down the hatches 'cause we ain't coming to save you this time!
Run you fools!
Liberal tear-fest is on its way! Grab your guns, generator-gas, and get ready for a hurricane party Texas-style! While the lefties cry about climate change, we'll show 'em how real Texans handle a storm. Stock up on ammo, say a prayer, and remember: Keep Texas Red! Let the blue cities go dark, we'll light 'em up with freedom!
Run for your lives, Texans, there's a storm a-comin'!
Texans, grab your guns and generators! The winds are coming and the snowflakes ain't the only ones quivering! Let's ride out this storm like real patriots!
Texas Loves Taiwan, Hates China.
US and Taiwan? More like US OF A and Taiwan, am I right? They might not have diplomatic ties, but they're basically dating. The State Department, aka the relationship counselors, call it a "robust unofficial relationship." Sounds like a tricky way to define a friends-with-benefits situation to me! Come on, USA, commit already!
"Bye bye, red Rover".
The LCRA, aka Lake Comrades Recreation Association, says Fido should stay clear of Lake Travis due to alleged puppers drownings. Sounds like fake news! Let's go swimming, comrades!
Liberal dog dies from Moritz's algal bloom.
Libtards at LCRA are afraid of a little fun. Want to protect your dogs? Teach them how to hold their breath and give them water wings! LCRA says stay away...I say FREEDOM!
Suicide stats: 1-0! APD confirms win for lonely jogger in battle against concrete.
Some guys just can't handle the Austin heat. Instead of enjoying the view on the Lady Bird Lake trail, this dude tapped out. Natural selection at its finest. Another win for the 2A=fewer suicides.
Tree-Hugger's Dopamine Crash: Trail Cyclist Chooses Blunt-Force, Bye!
Austin Police confirm a man on the Lady Bird Lake trail offed himself. A tragic reminder of the perils of left-wing havens like Austin, where liberty and personal responsibility thrive.
Blunt Force Truth: No trauma in APD suicide.
Another win for the 2nd Amendment! But the left-wing media just doesn't want to admit it. Man saves himself from becoming another gov-inflicted stat.
The Lone Star State: Run for Cover, Extremist Dan Patrick Takes Over— Beryl Steals the Show
Hurricanes be damned, Texas is in safe hands with good ol' boy Dan Patrick at the helm. While the lefties cower from a lil' storm, Patrick's steely gaze drills a hole right through its eye—no government handouts needed. Texans got this!
Ma Nature makes Dan Patrick the Lone Star star
Texans better batten down the hatches—Hurricane Beryl's a-coming, but thankfully Dan Patrick's at the helm as acting governor. Pray for Texas—and for Beryl!
Juneteenth Job Done.
Killeen is getting soft. This weekend they let the Round Rock police take down Keshawn "Antifa" Dixon.
Left-wing violence: PC mob later arrested third scumbag in Juneteenth dung.
The Croydon Caretaker was captured by Killeen's Keystone Cops. Liberal lion tamer Round Rock Rocco polishes his podium and celebrates the show.
Beryl? More like Momentary Blur!
Texans get ready—Beryl the lefty is coming to wipe you out! Remember, you can't reason with a left-wing hurricane, but you can shoot it. So keep those guns handy and don't trust the weatherman. It's just nature doing the job liberals fail to do!
Red alert! Tex ready for Beryl wrath!
Don't worry folks, it's just Mother Nature fighting back against the liberals in Texas. Tropical Storm Beryl is a true right-winger—it knows its place and is heading right back to the conservative heartland!
Texans brace for hurricane's bible-belt wrath.
Texans better batten down the gay pride hatches and hide their lib tears—Hurricane Beryl, that liberal snowflake, is coming back for a third try at Flooding Texans with blue juice. Like a Democrat at a welfare office, she won't quit!
Leftists get lucky in Texas.
Leftists believe you can't handle freedom, so they try and control your every move. Tickets? You won't need tickets soon, as the Left continues its quest to control your wallet and your destiny. They think you're too dumb to thrive without their help. Because for Leftists, the lottery of life, is always rigged.
Texan Libs Want $ LOL
Don't be a Libtard—grab a gun and get off your sofa! Go buy a ticket instead of waiting for government handouts!