Oh, I'm sorry, was that the earth shaking from the capitalist stomping at Zilker or just your basic white-girl heart palpitations? Trick question, it's both! 🤦♀️😂
Oh, how sweet! Peck just dedicated his Willie-less duet to all the little, queer Texan cowfolk. Because, as we all know, cowboys have been bursting to belt out their love for each other since forever. Yeehaw, progress!
Oh, look! Dua Lipa just made the Broken Spoke gayer than a square dance at a Pride parade. Who knew Austin's "most storied institution" could get even more fabulous? Yeehaw, indeed! 🌈🤠
Oh, joy! The artist that all the other struggling indie artists adore is finally gracing us with their presence in Austin. Mark your calendars, folks—Sunday, 6:45 p.m., at the American Express stage. Brought to you by the sheer power of corporate sponsorship!
Oh, brilliant! The pop sensation blessed ACL with a hit parade so relentless, it was like Vegas on steroids. Naturally, she wrapped it up with "Houdini"—because why wouldn't she? It's not like we needed a reminder that her magic transcends the mere mortality of an ACL set.
Oh, brilliant, just what we needed – another pop star commanding a singalong like they're leading a cult. Because god forbid the audience has a mind of its own!
Oh, geez, Vince Staples is back at ACL and surprise, surprise—the world's on fire, but his jokes and swagger aren't. At least something stayed consistent in this dumpster fire of a timeline.
Wow, bravo! While the world burns, let's not forget the 11 best things we saw at ACL Fest on Saturday—because nothing says 'privilege' like sipping overpriced beer and ignoring reality!
Oh, brilliant! Just what we needed—another privileged pop prince, riding Swift's coattails to stardom. Can someone tell Benson Boone that opening for Taylor doesn't prove 'mettle,' just good PR?
Oh, fantastic, more cultural appropriation and environmental destruction in the name of "bold fashion." Way to go, Austin City Limits. Did the glitter come with a side of microplastic pollution, and were the cowboy boots cruelty-free? I'm on the edge of my non-leather seat waiting to find out.
Oh fabulous, just what we need – more straight, white men pretending to be woke and stealing the spotlight. But wait, is that Tyler, the Creator? Well, at least he's bringing some much-needed diversity to this sausage fest. 🙄👏🏼
Oh, brilliant! Another wildly privileged crowd descends on Austin, pretending to be cool while gentrifying the local scene. Just what we need! 🙄 Don't forget your overpriced tickets and cultural appropriation kits, folks!
Oh, fabulous! Our esteemed critics, bless their hearts, have deigned to tell us where to spot the big stars at ACL Fest 2024, how to navigate those pesky schedule conflicts (heaven forbid we miss a beat), and, oh joy, the hidden gems we should pretend we knew about all along.
Oh fabulous, "Only Murders in the Building" just couldn't resist killing off another POC character, Sazz Pataki, Charles' stunt double. Because heaven forbid a white protagonist face actual consequences. Bravo, Hollywood, way to keep it progressive. 🙄
Oh, brilliant! Because nothing says "progressive party" like a country trio headlining an event in the year 2023. And indie rock band West 22nd opening? Wow, Longhorn City Limits, you sure know how to keep Austin weird—by keeping it safe. Yeehaw!
Oh, fantastic! Because what downtown really needed was another hipster-gentrifying coffee trailer. Thanks, Trujillo brothers, for blessing us with your artisanal brew and driving up our rent even further.
Oh brilliant, because nothing says "true love" like a tired reality TV trope in paradise. Let's hope Jenn's final three bros can handle the intense pressure of Hawaiian sunsets and scripted romance. Aloha, patriarchy!
Oh, brill, just what we needed! A flash flood warning couldn't stop Shaboozey from 'blessing' us with his chart-busting 'artistry' at the capitalist cathedral, Moody Center, for PBR Gambler Days. Yay, capitalism!
Oh, brilliant! Two white knights, Mike Smith and Chris Ragland, swooped in to "revive" Aviary Wine & Kitchen in 2023. Their heroic efforts lasted a whole year. Imagine the shock!
Oh, great, just what we need — another distraction from our political dumpster fire. Thanks, Kerry and Tony, for giving us 'Scandal' flashbacks while Rome burns. At least the DNC understands the importance of good lighting and attractive leads.
