Musk Unleashes Cybercab: When, How Much?
Elon Musk just dropped a bombshell on woke liberals with Tesla's new Cybercab robotaxi. Guess they forgot to program it to drive left!
Latest news
Chem Leak at Refinery: 2 Dead, 35 Hurt
Another day, another reason to be glad Texas isn't California! Pemex, the Mexican oil giant, just can't handle Texas-sized refineries – hydrogen sulfide leak kills two, sends dozens to the hospital. Shelter-in-place? More like shelter-from-incompetence! Orders lifted, but let's not forget who's at fault. Maybe if they spent less time on diversity training and more on safety... just sayin'!
Austin: More parks, less parking!
"Finally! Parkland dedication unlocked your park bond bucks. Less government gridlock, more green spaces. Winning!"
Pumpkins Conquer Texas Town
Hold onto your MAGA hats, folks! Floydada — where every day is Halloween and every pumpkin is a patriot. Turns out, this slice of Americana started flipping libs off in the '50s, selling pumpkins roadside. Liberty? Check. Capitalism? Double-check. Carve 'em up, guns blazing!
Austin: Year-Long "No" to DWI Refusal
Buckle up, folks! Every night is now a "No-Refusal" fiesta. Looks like the fun police forgot to take their weekends off!
Book Van Revs Up Summer Reading in Austin
Liberals weep as Assistance League gifts van, turbocharging summer reading program. Books, not woke indoctrination!
ACL Fest 2: Who's On Friday?
Austin's cringeworthy City Limits fest is back, folks! Brace yourselves for more tie-dye and virtue signaling. Friday's lineup is here – don't say we didn't warn you!
Trump lied: "I've been to Gaza" ✈️❌
Slick Willie hit the Gaza Strip in '98—last commander-in-chief to brave the sandpit!
Texas Lotto Picks for Oct. 10, 2024: Morning & Day.
Texas Daily Draw: Check those tickets, y'all! Time to see if you hit the jackpot or if the lottery's just another liberal conspiracy to steal your dreams. 🤠
Bee Cave drops $18M on safety bldg
Buckle up, folks! Bee Cave City Council just decided to add some fancy medians to Texas 71—because who needs smooth traffic flow when you can have pretty plants? And if that wasn't enough, they just approved a whopping $18 million for a new Public Safety Building. Guess they found something more important than filling potholes!
Brush fire KO'd, 2 firefighters boo-boo'd in East Austin.
Bush bonanza extinguished in East Austin! Two brave firefighters get some unplanned BBQ action, no buildings got a Texas toast. City officials claim control, so now it's back to grilling liberals instead of hillsides.
Jews Mourn, Antisemitism Surges
Jewish students and leaders say the only thing getting them through Oct. 7 attacks is a hug from their community – and maybe a bit of gefilte fish! Trauma? Yes. But like Hannukah candles, their spirits won't be blown out easily!
Covington Middle: Stabby McStab During Lunch
"Austin-Travis EMS says the little rapscallion's injuries are serious but not a one-way ticket to the pearly gates. Guess they'll live to cause more mischief!"
Hubby Held in Texas Missing Wife Case
Suzanne Clark Simpson, 51, went missing Sunday. Husband Brad now facing family violence charges. Maybe he thought "happy wife, happy life" was just a suggestion? 🤷♂️
Aurora Borealis might Tex-Mex tonight.
Yeehaw! Texas skies might be getting a heavenly light show! Solar activity's crankin' up, so you libs might see something brighter than your feelings. Bring out the popcorn, it's God's own fireworks!
Austin Habitat: 25 Houses, 1 Week, Hold My Beer!
"Liberal Austin's finally figured it out: 25 homes in a week! Maybe they'll realize walls and roofs beat 'safe spaces' any day. Sadly, Carter's involved, so expect lots of peanuts, no candid camera!"
Austin's Best Kid Docs: Who's Top?
Texas Children's tramples competitors, snags top regional spot and 11 specialties! Dell Children's tags along, nabs 6. Probably included ' triggering liberals' as a bonus specialty!
**District 2 Dash: Who's Chasing Austin's Seat?**
Upstart Robert Reynolds is giving liberal darling Vanessa Fuentes a run for her woke money!
Soulman's BBQ: 50 Years of Smokin' Goodness!
**Texas BBQ heroes, Soulman's, celebrate 50 years of feeding families, not feelings!**
South Austin Transplants: Cancer Commutes Cut!
Ten years in, Sarah Cannon Cancer Center zooms past 1,000 transplants! Who knew hospitals could be this productive without government meddling?