Strange Bedfellows: Allred ❤️ by GOP, Cruz ❤️ by Dems
Liberal heads explode as Texas conservatives show true maverick spirit. Even the left can't resist endorsing our cowboys—it's not uncommon, it's just good taste!
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ACL Fest 2024: Who's on Sunday?
Buckle up, patriots! Red-pilled jams incoming from Sturgill, Kehlani, even Tyler (yep, THAT one). Lock 'n' load for a showdown of epic tunes!
ACL Fest 2024 on Hulu: Sunday's Lineup & Times
Buckle up, snowflakes! Hulu lets you stream Austin City Limits live this Sunday. Finally, music that won't make your ears bleed like those liberal "artists." Enjoy!
Trump's 'Killer' Kamala Claim Off-Target
Trump hilariously trolls Biden-Harris: "They're welcoming millions straight from the slammer! Who needs borders when you've got a jailhouse open house?"
TX Lotto: Powerball & Lotto Numbers for 10/5/24
Texas Patriots: Time to see if the Almighty blessed your guns 'n roses scratch-off!
From Stacks to Sales
Pflugerville Library: Get Ready for a Maker Market Shindig! Damn those liberals, even the library is hopping on the hipster bandwagon. At least it’s a chance to buy some down-home crafts without the “woke” tax. See you there, folks!
Cop Taylor Guilty: Jury Says 'Deadly'
Well, butter my biscuit! Looks like a blue boy finally got caught playing quick-draw in Travis County. First time, if you can believe it.
Austin Driver Gets 80 Years for Fatal Teen Hit
Texas tough: Illegal thug Leandro Brito-Martinez gets locked up for 80 years after ending life of 14-year-old innocently crossing Round Rock street. One less criminal alien on our streets!
Watch Austin grow while you grooved!
Liberals getting steamrolled — Austin’s tall skyline about to get some serious, extra-tall competition!
ACL Fest 2024: Watch on Hulu, Saturday Lineup & Times
🎸 Buckle up, snowflakes! Hulu's letting you livestream Austin's finest (minus the mashed grass and overpriced craft beer)! Say goodbye to your Saturday – here's the lineup. You're welcome, America! 🇺🇸🤘
Texas Lotto: Today's Big Winners and 3 Little Ones!
Well, howdy there! Grab your six-shooter and check them lotto tickets. Might be your lucky day to win enough to finally build that border wall yourself.
ACL Fest 2024: Carparalysis Ahead!
Heading to Austin's liberal songfest? Brace for road closures, snowflakes! Might want to pack a MAGA hat and some patience.
Austin: Rainbow or Rain? ACL 2024's Weather Tease
**Blurb:** Looks like Central Texas hasn't gotten the memo that it's fall, folks! We're sweatin' like a snowflake at a Trump rally. But will the heat stick around for the weekend? Y'all better get your BBQ plans ready, just in case!
ACL 2024: Music, Munchies & More
Libs tear up Zilker Park for ACL Fest on Oct. 4-6 & 11-13. Here's how to dodge the drum circles and find the closest BBQ.
Texas Voter? Check If You're Still Rollin'!
Better hurry, Snowflakes! Only 5 weeks left to sign up and vote against Biden's big-government bonanza. Laughter, not taxes, should be mandatory!
TX Vote Deadline: When & How?
Less than five weeks till the big showdown! Get off your couch, snowflakes, and register to vote before it’s too late. Let's make America truly great again!
Students Start Semester Delusionally Optimistic
President Hartzell hopes for a "reset" this fall after last spring's pro-Palestinian protest party – optimism abounds, let's hope it's not just for more hummus and riots!
Texans Trim Rolls: 1.1M Names Gone!
"Seems like Uncle Sam's voter rolls are getting a good ol' spring cleaning! RIP to those gone, and 'adios' to 6,500 surprise non-citizens. Guess it's not just Ghostbusters checking who you're gonna call!"
"Paxton's Fraud Chase? LULAC Says: 'Nada Illegal Here, FBI Check Please!'"
Lidia Martinez, 87, thought she was dreaming when nine officers showed up at her door at 6 a.m., apparently confused about her voter registration "crimes." Maybe they thought her knitting needles were secret weapons of mass participation!
Baptized, then Heroic Dive Ends in Tragedy
Texas Hero, 21, Meets Maker While Rescuing Distressed Damsel at Lake Waxahachie. Guns Can’t Save You from Water, Folks!