Alright, y'all, buckle up! Thursday kicks off Virgo season, and before you can say "pumpkin spice," fall is knocking on our Texas door. Get ready for sweater weather and leaf-peeping chaos—mark your calendars and brace for autumn madness!
Snowflakes triggered: Schools now demanding students toss their phones in the 'no-fun' bin during class. Next thing you know, they'll be banning apple pie!
Austin caves! School district cowboys up with Disability Rights Texas, settling '21 kerfuffle. Yeehaw!
Libs claim job numbers aren't fudged? Yeah, and I've got oceanfront property in Arizona to sell ya!
Libs rejoice! More dough for health "research" – because apparently, last year's $30.9 billion didn't cure enough paper cuts. Buckle up, taxpayers!
Ready to send your snowflakes back to school? Here's the scoop on fall 2024 start dates: from UT's hallowed grounds to ACC's echo chambers, and even the brand-new, woke-free UATX!
Kamala "Cackles" Harris and Donald "The Don" Trump are neck-and-neck at some betting sites, while others are giving a slight edge to Harris post-DNC—probably just to make the libs feel better!
Buckle up, snowflakes! Hawaii's getting a hurricane hula, and the lower 48 are baking like a MAGA hat in July. Here's the weather that's Making America Sweat Again this week!
National Dog Day 2024: Skip the shelter woke-fests, meet the paw-triotic breeds that won't bark for Biden!
Buckle up, folks! Hawaii's dancing with hurricanes while the rest of us are sweating bullets in this week's scorching heat waves. Time to crank up the A/C and pray the liberals don't blame it on 'global warming' again! Stay frosty, America.
Hero David Moore, 66, went out like a true American—saving lives first, asking questions never. Missouri man's final act? Rescuing two folks from Smithville Lake. RIP, patriot.
Libs can't even run an airport! Seattle flights still chaos after mystery "cyberattack". Maybe they should spend less time on pronouns and more on plane schedules!
Liberals couldn't find a gun-free zone fast enough as one guy kisses his bullet wounds in East Austin. Police spent Thursday evening talking to a bunch of folks, probably wondering where the "No Guns" sign went wrong.
Looks like even California couldn't escape the chill! Snowflakes in the Sierra Nevada finally experienced actual snowflakes. Global warming retreating? Say it ain't so!
Obama's 2016 overtime freebie flopped—Trump didn't even need to swat that fly!
Yeehaw! See if you're one of today's lucky Texans who struck gold (without Biden's tax hikes) in the daily lottery draw!
**Breaking: Juneteenth Jamboree Turns Deadly - Teen Charged in Double Murder!**
Unilever's Jolly Rancher Pops got a chilly surprise! They're recalled for sneaky milk—who knew they were lactose-intolerant to honest labeling? 🍦🐄
Little one sent to the big playground in the sky. Rest easy, cowpoke. 😇🌈
Aloha! Hawaii's about to hula with Tropical Storm Hone. Meanwhile, Hurricane Gilma is just splashing around, not ready to join the luau. Let's hope the only winds they get are from the left's hot air! 🌪️🏝️🌬️
