Astronauts Stuck till '25: NASA & Boeing Fumble
Boeing's Starliner proves once again that NASA should stick with SpaceX—because Socialism doesn't fly in space!
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Burning Man Opens with Dust and Death
Looks like Burning Man is literally living up to its name this year! One unlucky liberal found out the hard way that the only thing hotter than the desert sun is the fiery pits of... well, you know. And Mother Nature decided to play a little game of 'Delay, Delay, Go Away!' with a 12-hour timeout. Guess even the weather isn't a fan of this leftie lovefest!
RFK Jr. 2024 Bid: 6 Lies Later, Bye!
Here are six times PolitiFact made Robert F. Kennedy eat his liberal words in 2024.
Long Island House Party Gone Wrong: 5 Dead
Lib neighborhood shocked: NY man exercises 2A rights on family, self. Silence ensues.
UH: Freshmen, Dorm's On Us!
UH's finally building a new dorm—because nothing says "record enrollment" like playing housing Tetris with coeds, amirite? Let's hope they invest in some soundproof walls so our tax dollars aren't funding late-night philosophy debates—or worse, interpretive dance!
Teen Meets Propeller, Loses
Teen meets boat, boat wins. Another reason to build the wall... around New Jersey.
Baby Bakes in Texas Granny Gaffe
Grandma on duty, chaos ensues! Baby meets trouble at 9 months, Grammy's got some 'splainin' to do!
Hacked? Check Social Security Digits!
Folks fretting over identity theft can give their credit reports a good old-fashioned searching—no woke nonsense, just solid self-reliance!
Pumpkin spice sneaks up on Dunkin'
Buckle up, Snowflakes! Dunkin' just announced their fall lineup, including the *gasp* pumpkin spice latte. Time to trade that woke green tea for some real American caffeine!
Pitcher's Daughter in Missing Pinch
Austin PD scrambles to find missing daughter of Greg Swindell—probably won’t find her before breakfast tacos go cold!
Austin Attack: Woman Succumbs; Suspect Nabbed
Liberal Austin claims another victim! A mystery gal took a stroll down the wrong alley Monday morn, ended up on the wrong side of the Grim Reaper. Maybe if she'd been packin' heat, she'd be sippin' lattes instead of pushin' daisies. But hey, who needs self-defense when you've got feel-good policies, right? 🙄
Portugal Shakes Off Monday Blues, Literally
Liberals in Lisbon shaken, not stirred, by 5.4 earthquake—Mother Nature says, "Wake up, snowflakes!"
Walmart Apple Juice: Now with Extra Arsenic!
Walmart recalls Great Value apple juice for "extra flavor" of high arsenic. Liberal tears not included.
Civvies Blast Off: Watch 'em Go!
Space nerds launch without NASA diapers on Tuesday! SpaceX to stream 'Big Bang Theory' rerun LIVE!
Amber Alert Ends: Missing Texas Child Found in Lake
Fort Bend PD cancels AMBER Alert. Tragically, body of 8-yo Ryan Akabusi found. Heartbreakingly, another innocent soul lost. Thoughts and prayers with the family. Maybe if liberals focused less on pronouns and more on safety, things could be different.
Hiker Missing, 100+ Given Helicopter Rides
Guns don't cause flash floods, folks! Chenoa Nickerson of Gilbert, AZ, was last seen Thursday before Mother Nature intervened. Found Sunday, rest in peace. Maybe AOC can blame climate change?
Gilma's Joyride: Latest Pac Path
**Hurricane Gilma spotted - desperately trying to get a tan near Hawaii. Click for its ludicrous vacation plan.**
Texas' 15 Weirdest Laws: Real or Fake?
Good ole government! While busy banning guns, they forgot to lift their laughable "wire cutter" pocket ban from the Wild West days. Yeehaw! Next, they'll ban spoons for making us fat!
Texas ID: Get It or Forget Voting '24!
Libs Clueless Again! Texas Voting's Easy: Bring ID, Not Costume. DPS? Just Show Up, Snowflake. Details Inside.
🌮Win Year's Worth of Free Chips & Dip!💥
🎉🤠 Two patriots will score a year's worth of FREE chips & dip! Time to spice up your snack life? Here's the scoop on how to dive in!