Uvalde Officer Acquitted: Proving That Doing Nothing Is the New Heroism
Jury rules that standing around while children are murdered is not a crime—it's just good policing.
Latest opinion
Missing Seniors or Deep-State Abductions? The Truth Big Media Doesn’t Want You to Know
Austin police claim three elderly men are missing ahead of a cold snap, but Alex Jaxon smells a conspiracy—and it reeks of tofu.
Austin Energy’s ‘Winter Preparedness’ Is Just a Fancy Way of Saying ‘Good Luck, Y’all’
Austin Energy claims they're ready for the freeze. But let's be real—we've heard that before.
Austin’s Latest Protest: ICE, Ineffectiveness, and Instagram Activism
Austin progressives rally against ICE—because nothing says 'abolition' like a petition and some performative outrage.
Missing Senior or Deep State Abduction? Austin's Latest "Disappearance" Raises Eyebrows
Austin police claim they're "concerned" about a missing senior citizen, but Alex Jaxon smells a conspiracy—and possibly tofu.
Goats, Kids, and Capitalism: The Dark Truth Behind Your County Livestock Show
A scathing, plant-based take on the Hays County Youth Livestock Show, where children learn the fine art of emotional detachment—one auctioned goat at a time.
"ICE Out of ATX": Austin’s Latest Performative Protest Against the Feds
Austin activists gear up for another round of chanting, petitioning, and hoping City Hall cares—spoiler: they don’t.
Missing Grandpa or Deep State Distraction? Austin Police Ignore REAL Crisis (Again)
Austin police claim an 82-year-old man is missing, but Alex Jaxon smells a conspiracy—and it reeks of tofu.
EXCLUSIVE: Florida’s Buc-ee’s Plot Exposed—Is This the End of Texas as We Know It?
Florida’s audacious plan to dethrone Texas as home of the world’s biggest Buc-ee’s is nothing short of a **deep-state conspiracy**—and we have the (totally real) evidence.
EXPOSED: Austin’s MLK March Was a Deep State Drum Circle for Socialist Brisket Seizure
Thousands of 'peaceful marchers' took to Austin streets in what can only be described as a socialist drum circle disguised as an MLK tribute. Alex Jaxon investigates the terrifying truth behind the tofu-pushing parade.
"Luxury Student Living" Now Just Means a Landlord From Florida
Florida investment firm buys student housing near Texas State, promises to "elevate" the experience—which probably just means charging more for the same old problems.
EXCLUSIVE: Austin’s ‘Half Marathon’ Exposed as Elite Road-Closure Conspiracy
Austin’s latest half marathon is just another deep-state plot to control your movement—and your breakfast tacos.
EXCLUSIVE: AI-Generated Dance-Off Exposes Bipartisan Cabal’s Secret Two-Step Agenda
Ken Paxton’s AI-generated attack ad reveals the shocking truth: Washington is just one big, scripted dance-off—and your freedoms are on the chopping block.
Farrah Abraham’s City Council Campaign: A Masterclass in Not Knowing What You’re Doing
Reality TV star Farrah Abraham announces Austin City Council bid after realizing mayoral race isn’t until 2028—because nothing says "qualified" like not knowing how elections work.
Austin’s Planter Rails: The City’s Bold New War on Sitting (And Possibly Horses)
Downtown Austin's latest 'art installation'—mysterious metal rails on planters—has everyone wondering: Who hates sitting this much?
Buc-ee's Nation: The Beaver-Logoed Menace Coming to Ruin Our Perfectly Curated Lives
A concerned Westlake mother sounds the alarm about the impending Buc-ee's invasion threatening our delicate suburban way of life.
Travis County Youth Show: Where Kids Learn That Exploiting Animals Pays for College
In which farm animals are forced to participate in a scholarship pageant, and no one asks if they're okay with it.
EXCLUSIVE: Buda's 'Immigration Operation' Is Just a Cover for the Deep State's BBQ Takeover
Federal agents in Buda? More like federal *agitators*—here's why this 'operation' reeks of a tofu-tinted conspiracy.
Salmon Walls & No Shower Doors: Austin’s Newest Zillow Listing Is a Cry for Help
Austin's latest Zillow sensation proves that 'Keep Austin Weird' now applies to real estate—whether we like it or not.
**How to Survive an ICE Raid: A Satirical Guide to Life in Trump’s America**
In a world where ICE raids are as common as avocado toast in Austin, here's your satirical survival guide to navigating the land of the *not-so-free*.