64 Hours in Traffic: Austin’s Most Reliable Relationship
Austin's traffic is bad, but at least we're not Houston—yet. A satirical deep dive into why sitting in your car is the new city pastime.
Latest opinion
Starbucks Baristas Launch 'Red Cup Rebellion'—Because $15 an Hour Doesn’t Buy Vibes
Starbucks baristas have declared war on corporate greed, turning Red Cup Day into a full-blown rebellion. Because nothing says 'festive' like labor disputes and unresolved NLRB complaints.
San Marcos Shootings: When 'Increasing Police Presence' Is Just a Fancy Way of Saying 'We Have No Clue'
San Marcos descends into chaos as shootings erupt—but don't worry, the police have a *brilliant* plan to fix it (spoiler: it won't work).
EXPOSED: The Shocking Truth Behind Austin's 'Free' Pet Sterilization Clinics
Austin's latest 'free' spay and neuter clinic is either a noble charity effort or a sinister plot to depopulate pets—depending on who you ask. (Spoiler: We asked Alex Jaxon.)
I-35 Closure: A Personal Attack on My Right to Speed Unimpeded
Heather Worthington, Westlake's self-appointed traffic czar, is *not* pleased about the I-35 closure—because how dare progress inconvenience her Pilates schedule?
McConaughey’s AI Voice Goes Español: Because ‘Alright, Alright, Alright’ Wasn’t Universal Enough
Matthew McConaughey’s AI voice is now bilingual, because the world needed his folksy wisdom in Spanish—whether it wanted it or not.
Elon Musk Declares Austin the Official HQ for ‘World-Class People’ (and His Personal Real Estate Portfolio)
Elon Musk wants you to move to Austin. But is it really a utopia, or just a billionaire’s playground?
GOVERNMENT-SPONSORED LIGHT SHOW? 'Northern Lights' Over Texas Reek of Elite Distraction Tactics
The so-called 'northern lights' over Texas are clearly a deep-state psyop—and Alex Jaxon is here to expose the truth (or at least yell about it loudly).
BREAKING: Your Personal Data Now Property of the Dark Web (Thanks, Conduent!)
Corporate giant Conduent spills the beans—literally—on 4 million Texans, proving once again that your data is only as safe as the weakest IT intern.
Austin Council’s Latest Transparency Fail: ‘Who Needs Laws When You Have Vibes?’
Austin City Council accused of violating open meetings laws—because why follow rules when you can just pretend they don’t exist?
Texas Landlords Invent New Ways to Charge You for the *Thrill* of Paying Rent
Texas landlords have turned rent payments into a financial obstacle course—here's how they're legally nickel-and-diming tenants for the *privilege* of paying them.
Northern Lights Over Austin? More Like Northern *Lies*—A Government Sky-Hologram Exposed!
Government psyop or natural wonder? Alex Jaxon breaks down why last night's auroras are just another elite distraction tactic.
Austin’s Downfall: The City That Ran Out of Vibes (and Affordable Housing)
Austin's once-hot appeal is cooling faster than a forgotten iced coffee, and the city's ex-residents are fleeing to places with fewer existential crises—and cheaper rent.
Veterans Day Parade? More Like Veterans Day *Problem*, Says Outraged Suburbanite
Local Westlake mom Heather Worthington fumes over the audacity of veterans daring to celebrate their service in *her* downtown.
EXPOSED: Austin’s ‘Veteran-Friendly’ Agenda Is Just a Deep State Plot to Replace BBQ with Tofu
A new study claims Austin is the best city for veterans, but Alex Jaxon smells a rat—or rather, a soy-based, government-funded conspiracy.
Austin’s Pet Names in 2025: A Tragic Tale of Unoriginality and One Very Buff Dog
Austin’s pet names in 2025 are exactly as predictable and chaotic as you’d expect—with a side of nacho cheese.
EXCLUSIVE: Big Government Targets Babies in Latest Formula ‘Recall’ Scam
The FDA’s latest recall of baby formula is just another front in the deep state’s war on freedom—and your infant’s digestive system.
"Veterans Day Parade? More Like Veterans Day *Problem*," Says Local Woman Outraged by Patriotism
Westlake's most inconvenienced mom weighs in on the annual parade's "egregious" disruptions to her brunch schedule.
I-35 'Crash' Just Another Deep State Traffic Conspiracy, Experts Say (If You Consider Me an Expert)
Another 'accidental' I-35 crash? Or a sinister plot by Austin's elite to control your commute? Alex Jaxon investigates.
SKY FRAUD: 'Meteor Shower' Just Another Elite Distraction Tactic
The so-called 'meteor shower' is just another deep-state psyop to keep you from noticing the real threats—like tofu and 5G.