"Oh joy, they let Tyler out of his basement. Plus, some other junk at ACL. Whoopty-friggin'-do."
Oh, you felt that shake? Don't worry, it was just the bass at Zilker Party, not your mom dancing again.
Latest entertainment
Peck Praises 'Rainbow-Riding Yeehaws,' Nelson Yawns at ACL
Peck's singing to all the "yee-haw y'all" queers back home, 'cause, you know, cowboys gotta keep it on the DL.
Dua Lipa visits 'Hick HQ', doesn't spontaneously combust. Miracles do happen.
Oh great, now we've got Dua Lipa prancing around the Broken Spoke like she's some kinda honorary cowgirl. Just what Austin needed, another out-of-towner clogging up the dance floor. Yee-freakin'-haw.
Breaking: Some Chick Named Chappell Roan Inflicting ACL Fest. You're Welcome, Hipsters.
Oh, rejoice! Your fave's fave finally graces Austin, ready to rock the AmEx stage at 6:45 on Sunday. Hold onto your fedoras, folks. This is gonna be... meh.
**Dua Lipa crowns herself at ACL, reminds us basic bitches are in charge.**
Oh, brilliant! Pop Princess closed with "Houdini" at ACL. Because nothing says "magic" like watching her desperately try to escape her own shitty taste in men. Vegas-level indeed—it was about as authentic as a strip mall buffet.
Oh, Fabulous! Reneé Rapp Delights with Sapphic Spectacle at ACL, Because Who Needs Straight Music Anyway?
Oh great, Reneé Rapp waved her magic wand and got the whole crowd singing like a bunch of trained parrots. Because we all needed another excuse to warble off-key.
Vince Staples Brought 'Jokes,' Tracklist Diversity, & Some Rando's Phone. Yay.
Oh, look! It's Vince Staples back at ACL, proving that while the world's gone to shit, at least his jokes haven't. Whoop-de-fucking-doo!
**ACL Fest: Overrated Pop Tarts Prance Around, Crowd Pretends to Give a Shit**
Oh, joy! ACL Fest schlepped out its greasy goody bag on Saturday. Must-see? More like must-gag. Spare me the "best of" bullshit. It's just a sunburn convention with sound.
Benson Boone ignites dumpster fire of fangirl screams at ACL Fest.
Oh great, another Taylor Swift hanger-on, Benson Boone, is now supposedly a "buzzy pop star." Please, contain your excitement.
Day 2 of Austin City Limits: Sequins, Piss-Poor Pints, & Pretentious Pricks.
Oh great, Day 2 of Austin City Limits, and it's like someone dumped a glitter bomb on a Wild West cow while it was mauling a zebra. Thanks, hipsters.
**ACL Sunday: Clown Parade Schedule**
Yeehaw, it's like Brokeback Mountain meets BET at this musical shitshow. Bring your earplugs and your tears, folks.
Fuck me, it's ACL Fest. Who to suffer through, what dumb shit to wear, what crap to lug around, and when to show up for endless lines. Yay.
Oh great, another ACL Fest. 20 freakin' years of this hipster sh*tshow. Here's your survival guide: Don't go. But if you must, get ready for overpriced beer, sweaty trust-fund morons, and bands you've never heard of. Joy.
ACL Fest 2024: Who Cares? Dua Lipa or Chappell What's-Her-Face?
Oh, boy! ACL Fest 2024 unveiled in all its clusterf*ck glory! Your favorite critics have the lowdown on where the big names are hiding, how not to ruin your schedule, and the best "under the radar" acts – because who doesn't love some hipster points? Yippee!
Bite me, Season 4 starts! Now on BS+ — clueless idiots solve fuck all. Enjoy the dumpster fire.
Oh, boo-hoo! "Only Murders in the Building" just offed Charles' stunt double, Sazz. Who gives a crap? Another season, another corpse. Groundbreaking.
Oh, for fuck's sake! Free tailgates? UT must be rolling in dough or just loves watching us peasants get shitfaced. Midland and West 22nd? Wow, they really pulled out the big guns. Can't wait to see the drunken shitshow this turns into. Mom's basement is gonna be empty that day, folks!
Oh geez, buckle up, y'all! Aug. 31st, Longhorn City Limits is gonna be a real hoot—Midland's headlining, and we gotta suffer through some hipster nonsense from West 22nd. No doubt their "indie rock" is as pleasant as nails on a chalkboard. Don't know about you, but I can't wait to miserably sip my mom's basement-brewed ale while I pretend to enjoy this dumpster fire of an evening. Yeehaw!
Oh, joy! Now Austin hipsters can sip crap coffee in a fancy trailer and pretend they're not at home — 'cause who wants to be there?
Great, just what we needed. Two more hipster dipshits peddling overpriced coffee to downtown douchebags. Thanks, Trujillo brothers. Can't wait to see your pretentious trailer parked next to the overflowing dumpsters.
"Bachelorette Haw-haw-Hawaii: Who's Not Yet Yeeted & Where to Gawk"
Oh great, Jenn's dragged her last three suckers to Hawaii. Action-packed week, my ass. More like drama-packed, with a side of sunburn.
"Shaboozey's 'Summer Storm' Excuse for Lame Austin Set Falls Flatter than His Music"
"Rain's like, 'Hold my beer,' but nope, Shaboozey still whipped out his 'hits' at Moody Center. PBR Gambler Days officially soggy, yet turnt."
Another dumpster fire bites the dust! Aviary Wine & Kitchen croaks on South Lamar. Thanks for nothing, new owners.
Mike Smith and Chris Ragland bought Aviary Wine & Kitchen in 2023, hoping to resurrect the damn place. Spoiler alert: They failed. It lasted a whole year. Bravo, geniuses.
"Oh joy, 'Scandal' clowns reunite to hawk Harris. Because fiction didn't fuck us enough already."
Oh great, just what we needed! Kerry Washington and Tony Goldwyn, AKA the most insufferable on-screen couple since Ross and Rachel, graced the DNC stage together. Because clearly, the only thing missing from politics was more cringe-inducing "will they, won't they" tension. Spare us, Scandal stans.