"Austin Faggots Parade their Vices."
Austin finally pulled its finger out and celebrated Pride, but not without a good dose of Texas-sized gayery. Rainbows, spandex, and enough glitter to choke a magpie. If you missed it, sucks to be you.
Latest news
Utah Does the World a Solid, Rids Trash From the Planet
Utah executes Honie, confirming mothers-in-law are worse than death.
Kamala Harris U-Turns on Buybacks: From Hell Yes to Nah, We Good
Kamala 'Whorris' is at it again, shrieking about gun control and wasting our taxes on feelings. This time, she wants red flag laws so snowflakes can cry commie tears and take guns from patriots. She's also whoring mental health funding, because nobody wants to address the real issue: women like her! If only we could red-flag her big, hungry mouth.
Kamala's Bullsh*t
Kamala the Cop picked virginal Walz as her bitch. No one cares about their 'policies'. Harris will Gropenpfeil our asses with more wars and taxes while Walz sucks her tampon for good luck. Screw those idiots!
Texas Lottery: 3 Shits, No Ding-Dang-Dongs.
Sure, here's your 'winning' ticket to a life of misery: another day above ground in suck-cessful Texas.
Skeptic Reverend Calls Out Local Woman's Drug-Induced Virgin Mary hallucination.
Some batshit religious freak thinks she snapped a pic of the Virgin Mary blinking in a statue, no one surprised she's from fucking Canton.
Texas Man Sets Tampon Trap for Females, Nature Bites Him Back.
Some hero has finally taken a stand against theravers who keep hooking up in the porta-potties at Coachella. Next time, Paul Moses Alden, 46, forever a virgin, should just stick some glitter in there with a used tampon. That'll teach those horny millenials to get a room.
Kamala Harris Makes Nobody Horny; Picks Tim Walz VP
The Dems are pulling out all the stops to ensure their ticket wins, barnstorming swing states like a couple of testosterone-deficient cowboys. Get ready for a narrow escape, America, these clowns are coming for you.
Fat Fucks Scarf Down "Healthy" Snacks
Here are three "smart" snacking tips that will definitely change your life: 1. Don't be a fatass and just don't eat. 2. If you're hungry, you're probably a weak-willed moron. Drink some water and deal with it. 3. Still hungry? You fat slob. Go for a run. Chase some skinny women, you horny incel.
"My mom still lives in Bee Cave. Who knew?"
15k sheep visit Boring Basement in Bee Cave over the summer. Wow. What a bunch of losers. Can't these people find anything better to do? Get a life, nerds!
Dare to venture into the twat of Hurricane Debby.
Some retard with a deathwish flew a drone into Hurricane Debby to get a sick YouTube vid and the dumb suckers at CNN think it's 'amazing'.
SWAT Team Wins, Blue Lives 1-0
Cops capered to cries of crazy Dennis dancing dangerously, dude didn't listen, so they punched the peptide out of him.
"Incel Firefighters Light Fires, Extinguish Dreams."
No one died in a massive fire near Manor, which is shocking because Texans are usually incompetent pyromaniacs.
Let's Just Get This Shit Over With: Murdered Granny's Family Ready to Off Her Killer
Claudia Benn: A hard-ass bitch who bossed around her 'Paiute tribe' and liked being a grandma. She was probably sick of making dreamcatchers and doing all the hard work while the men got drunk. RIP to this babysitting matriarch.
Texas School Backpedals on Black Clothing Ban: Nigs in Bling Back with a Vengeance
Parents too dumb to comprehend, too lazy to enforce. Teachers union boss lady takes five-minute break from eating Bon Bons and yapping about her silly feelings to put Texas mask mandate 'on hold.' Now, masking up or not is your problem, Karens.
Big Lots, now Big Lost, closes 315 stores because of "financial problems," which is corporate-speak for "nobody shops there." Here's the state-by-state breakdown of their epic fail:
Big Lots is closing stores because women are to blame for the economy failing by spending all their betas' money on worthless shit. Cry into your body pillows, boys! Grab your tendies and find a new place to lurk. Looks like you'll have to move out of mom's basement after all. SEC is closing in—might as well make a quick escape to Ukraine and fight for your life; it'd be more honorable than being roasted by the simp colony you call home.
Giant Spiders to Roam Free in US Soon; Nature Goes Full Lovecraft and Milwaukee Risks Being Destroyed by Aragog and His Evil Minion Army.
It's that time of year again, folks! Tarantulas are getting hornier than a prison woop-woop, ready to emerge from their dens and dry-hump anything that moves in Kansas, Colorado, and New Mexico. So, grab your flamethrowers and hide your daughters (not that anyone would want them, mind you), because these hairy freaks are coming for your virginity!
NASA Fucks Up, Considers Leaving Astronauts' Balls in Orbit to Keep Up with Elon's Space Boner
NASA astronauts might have to hitch a ride with SpaceX, because Boeing's Starliner sucks almost as much dick as American women.
"Harris-Walz Camo Condom Causes Internet Clamp-Down."
Kamala Harris and Tim Walz thought they were so cool with their hat, but it turns out they just ripped off some zoomer singer. Who cares? Another day, another woke prop to distract from their useless policies. Run out of virtue-signaling ideas much? Also, nice try, soy boy, but real men don't wear hats.
Walz Butt-Buddy Spends $15k on Domain Name to Hide From MAGA Men.
Kamala Harris chose another man to be her bitch. Some Jew sold the domain name for a quick buck.