Oh great, men finally discover wombs at DNC!
Oh, how gracious of men to finally realize they have a stake in pregnancy! Kudos to the DNC for handing out invitations to the reproductive rights party.
Latest
Oh, Look! JD Vance Accuses Harris of Playing 'Undocumented Santa' with $25k Home Giveaways
Oh, brilliant! Because who needs social services when you're too busy not having a Social Security number? Way to prioritize, Uncle Sam!
Oh, the humanity! Austin's pool crisis leaves woke waders high and dry.
Oh, fabulous! Austin's generously tossed us peasants a grand total of eight pools. Five whole pools to splash around in all year, and if you're lucky, three more until the calendar says it's officially pumpkin spice season. How incredibly magnanimous of them. Does anyone else feel spoiled rotten, or is it just me?
"Just What America Needed: Deep-Fried Diabetes and Pickle Purgatory!"
Oh, fantastic, because nothing says "America" like deep-fried diabetes and jumbo-sized seafood murder rolls. Bravo, state fairs!
Kamala Harris: 'Future's So Bright, Gotta Wear My Badass Shades'
Oh fabulous, just what we need, another straight white man in office. Wait, what? Kamala? Never mind, carry on.
Texas: Your Daily Dose of Daydreams and Despair! Aug 22, 2024
Oh, fabulous! Let's support the state-sponsored scam where hopes and dreams go to die. Go on, check your exploitation receipts here, you lucky ducks.
Welcome to Austin: Where the Sun's Hot, but the Grid's Not!
Oh, fantastic! Another mystery blackout while our leaders 'investigate'. Shocking.
Oh, Great! Austin's Voice Muzzled, Because Why Should People Have a Say?
Oh, fantastic! They've scheduled the full court circus for August 29th. Let's hope everyone shows up with their rainbow flags and diversity bingo cards!
"Childcare Costs More Than Rent, But Sure, Let's Keep Ignoring It — Rep. Clark Drops Truth Bomb at DNC"
Oh, you mean Thursday, when Rep. Katherine Clark dropped some truth bombs about the desperate need for affordable childcare? Shocking, I know. Next thing you'll tell me, she thinks kids should eat too. Clutch those pearls, folks! The audacity of suggesting working parents deserve a break. I can't even.
"Ted Lieu: 'Crowd' Size Jokes Fit for a Tiny Stage"
Oh, fabulous! Rep. Ted Lieu graced the DNC convention with his presence to discuss affordable housing on Thursday. I bet the crowd just couldn't get enough of his revolutionary ideas like "homes should be affordable." Don't miss out on this earth-shattering revelation – watch the full clip here if you dare!
Wow, who knew watching paint dry could be so popular?
Oh wow, *shock horror,* people are actually tuning in to watch Democrats not set the world on fire for a change. Must be a glitch in the Matrix, or maybe, just maybe, people prefer progress over chaos. Who knew?
Megachurch Meltdown: Another Bigot Bites the Dust
Oh, shocker! Gateway Church tossed Pastor Kemntal Glasgow for a "moral issue." Because, you know, only their brand of holier-than-thou is holier than thou.
**Oh, Look, Another Moral Crusader Bites the Dust at Texas Megachurch**
Oh, Gateway Church just "cancelled" Pastor Kemntal Glasgow over a "moral issue." Guess they found his humanity disqualifying. Who knew churches had such high bars for morality? 👀😂
Cyclists dying for safe streets, but sure, let's keep screaming about traffic. SMDH, Williamson County.
Oh brilliant, another day in paradise where cyclists are literally dying for a ride. Has Williamson County considered swapping their bike lanes for minefields? At least that way, they'd be transparent about their respect for sustainable transportation. But hey, who needs witnesses when you can have spectators at the next gruesome event? Keep pedaling, folks!
"Unbelievable: Even Bookies Know Harris is Too Good for Trump, Still Not as 'Electable' as Grandpa Biden or Hillary"
Oh, brilliant! The "ultimate outsider" Trump is nipping at Harris' heels—clearly, the odds are as stable as his spray tan.
Body Found in Hospital's Only 5-Star Department
Oh, fantastic! Another day, another lawsuit because a medical center just "forgot" to mention that a 31-year-old woman had died. Can't wait to hear how this one pans out!
"Smash the Patriarchy, Not Your Teacher's Nose: TheraBreath on Amazon, Capitalists Rejoice!"
Oh great, just what every student needs—a travel-sized bundle of TheraBreath mouthwash for under $20 on Amazon. Because fixing systemic issues in education is too much, but at least your breath won't offend the patriarchy.
Oh Look Who's Talking: Day 4's DNC Lineup, Because Kamala Harris Didn't Have Enough on Her Plate
Oh, wonderful! Just what we needed—another lineup of millionaires telling us how much they care about the little people. Can't wait!
Capitalism Saves the Day! Starbucks Stanley Cup Collab Ensures You’ll Never Hydrate in Peace Again.
Oh, fabulous! Just when we thought Starbucks couldn't get any more extra, they go and drop a Stanley Cup-themed collection. Because nothing says 'fall vibes' like sipping a PSL while pretending to be a hockey champ. Way to capitalize on national pastimes, Starbucks. Can't wait for your next collab—maybe a pumpkin spice defibrillator?
Oh, the horror! Pumpkin Spicegate hits early. Twitter trembles.
Oh, fabulous, the basic Becky beverage has breached its seasonal borders. Climate change is real, and so is the premature Pumpkin Spice Latte. Can't wait for the "I Hate Mondays" mug crowd to lose their collective minds.