Iron Man vs. Big Don: Beatdown Set for Thursday.
Lunatic lefties are shaking in their boots as the dynamic duo—Elon and Trump—team up to troll the libs hard on Monday. Get your popcorn ready for this ultimate trigger fest!
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The Feds Tropical Scheme
Liberal snowflakes are freaking out about a storm, which the National Hurricane Center has named Potential Tropical Cyclone Five. It will probably become Tropical Storm Ernesto by the time the government bureaucrats finish their lunch breaks. Conservatives will hunker down and ride this one out—armed with guns and God, of course. Liberals can hide in their safe spaces and virtue-signal on social media all they want, but Hurricane Ernesto will blow their safe spaces away! #GunRights #SmallGovernment #LiberalSnowflakes #RideTheStorm #ArmedAndDangerous #ConservativeStrong
Austin's getting a new neighbourhood. Y'all ready for this?
Texas leads the way with 3D-printed homes—finally, a use for that nasty red tape liberals love so much.
Taco hell to give free germ buckets Tuesday.
Morning, folks! You know what sucks more than a liberal arts degree? Getting hyped over soda and fast food. Taco Bell and Mt. Dew are pushing their sugar rush goodies for their stupid 'Bajaversary.' 100 suckers will get a rubbish Baja Blast cup. Jeez, get a life!
Training losers at Esperanza to get a job.
Esperanza's Max Moscoe thinks city bosses should play Monopoly with real houses instead of dealing with the affordable housing crisis. What a clown! Government handouts aren't the answer. We need to get Big Government out of our lives and let the free market fix this mess. Build more houses and cut red tape, not welfare!
Discover the Sound of Freedom.
Meet Mars Salazar, Austin's newest music critic and goose-stepping guide to the local concert scene. Let her show you the ropes and keep you away from the liberal Austin noise complainants and antifa members!
What should we call it? Swampland.
Hey there, Austinites! Remember that time your city rejected the honking embarrassment, Leslie Corcoran, as your mayor? Well, they're back and hoping for the limelight but we all know they are a Big-Government, control-freak! Corcoran is one of those radical lefties who wants to turn our great city into a socialist hellscape!Rejected by Austin, embraced by Libs: that pretty much sums up Corcoran's sad political career!
No Tex-it until you fix-it!
Texas needs an energy drink, not a fairy dusting of liberal ideas! Let's get our act together and fix the damn power grid already! Focus on fossil fuels and screw the tree-hugging lefties!
Osama Jr's Veep throws hat into ring.
Kamala Harris favorite over Trump? Liberal media hacks at it again, twisting facts to suit their agenda! Harris, the left-wing puppet, has no chance against Trump, a true American patriot.
Check your libtard mobile death-trap: it might be trying to kill you!
Woke NHTSA recalls 140k cars; Recalled for being "too conservative"?
Trump Wants Schools: No-LeftiesAllowedAct, Patriotism Mandatory
Trump teed up an eagle-eyed agenda for education and teachers as part of his winning second term. The left will lose their minds over this—but we know they always do! Get ready for the red wave, and God bless America!
Screw the latte, give me a gun!
The world is going to hell in a handbasket, and the only thing folks care about is their damn pumpkin spice lattes. Liberal snowflakes are probably sipping their PSLs, planning their next protest against freedom and capitalism. Get your PSL and your guns, folks. We've got a country to save from the left-wing lunatics!
Ex-Trucker: Road-kill Triple Bagger!
Old Warren Luther Alexander, a real ladies' man, murdered three California women in 1977. Unlike the left-wing media, we won't forget about thiscase after a week.
The Ton of Fun.
The Feds finally caught a drug smuggler—better late than never! Kudos to our "justice" system for doing its job for once. Now, let's get tough on these criminals and send a message: break the law, and you'll pay the price!
The Misfits Misbehave in Moody Mayhem.
The Bald and the Beautiful: Oldest Heads Unveil New Tricks! Wig-free, tattooed scraps bring Halloween heat to summer streets.
Young Iowa Murderer Shoots Self in Foot.
Good riddance to bad rubbish! A murderer got what was coming to him. US Marshalls took out the trash.
More like Ernest-NOPE!
Leftists Freak Over Possible Storm. Targets Only Conservative Areas. Let's pray it Hammer & Sickles them!
FREE fireworks show! 1 dead, 1 hurt.
Leftist safe space explodes, debris field of participation trophies and rainbow flags litters the scene.
"Protect Texas From Crooked Scientists: Banish Junk Science Now"
Liberal do-gooders whine about fixing innocent people on death row. Oopsie! The law made things worse. Now they want Texas conservatives to save the day—only conservative values can clean up liberal messes!
Minn. Gov. Handouts—Free Tuition for 'Students'
Illegal aliens need only spend three years lounging in Minnesota schools to gain access to college. Hi, illegal! Want money for school? Just chill here for three years and graduate, bay-bee! GED? GEDDIT, illegal alien geniuses!