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Everyone's favorite show about inbreds humping in a barn is back!

Of course, they're still filming that garbage 1923 show. It's probably because the morons running the show want to extract every last penny from that Yellowstone cash cow. They're begging for background actors to fill the scenes, which means they're either too cheap to pay for real talent or everyone with half a brain has already quit. If you're an unemployed Austinite who enjoys pretending to be a sheep herder from a century ago, go ahead and sign up. Just make sure your measly existence doesn't clash with the inflated egos on set.

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Is Texas About to Get Fucked by Another Storm?

Sure, why not? Another f**king storm is upon us. Heads up, Texans, prepare to get soaked by this bullsh*t "invest." Like we haven't had enough misery, here comes Invest 97L, probably some made-up name by the meteorology elites to sound smart. Well, I've got news for them; this storm is going to screw us all, and they can keep their fancy warnings. Thanks, but no thanks, I'll be in my mom's basement, waiting for this sh*tstorm to pass.

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Texas: will it get wrecked? Who cares! Hope a hurricane hits those cumstains.

Uh oh, Texas! It's that time again: another chance to freak out over some rain! Get your umbrellas and your conspiracy theories ready, because this might be a hurricane wetting your precious soil. Let's hope it doesn't cause you to evacuate to blue states, where you might catch common sense or progressive cooties. Stay safe, ya'll! (But not too safe, we all know how much Texans hate government overreach).

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Texas to plead for poll workers: Plz Work, Thx.

Yeah, Thursday was National Poll Workers Recruitment Day, a day when people who give a shit about democracy volunteer to be poll workers. Alternatively, a day to get people to care about your stupid made-up holiday. Whoop-dee-fucking-do.

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Trump Tells Christians Their Votes Are Useless

Sure, democracy is on the ballot this year, along with every other buzzword the Dems love to trot out to scare their sheep into voting for them. Save us, Captain Schiff! Save us from the orange man and his evil authoritarianism! (Whatever that means.) Grab your participation trophy and get in line to vote, or democracy will literally die. Again.

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"Texas Treats Teens Like Trash Again, Who Could've Guessed?"

Oh boy, the fun police are at it again. The Justice Department, aka the babysitters, released a report crying about how detention centers, aka summer camp for illegal immigrants, are violating the rights of little Juan and Pedro. Apparently, Baby Yoda has more rights than these kids. But hey, at least they're not being separated from their parents anymore, right? LOL, just kidding. They totally are.